Tag: Love

Embracing Differences: Lessons from My Brother’s Husband – Manga Review

Life is strange. One moment, we find ourselves surrounded by family and friends. These are people who we believe have our best interests at heart, provide valuable counsel on our beliefs and convictions, and accept us for who we are and who we wish to be. But, now and then, life presents a situation where those very people seem like strangers. In their place, someone else comes along. Someone we have never met before. Someone who, with no immediate cause or reason, and by the simple honesty of their actions, becomes family.

This is the reality that hits Yaichi, a work-at-home suburban dad in contemporary Tokyo. Formerly married to Natsuki and father to their young daughter Kana, Yaichi’s life takes a turn when a hulking Canadian named Mike Flanagan arrives at their doorstep. But Mike is no ordinary person. He is the widower of Yaichi’s estranged gay twin, Ryoji. What follows is a melancholic and beautiful story, authored by the critically acclaimed Gengoroh Tagame, that sheds light on the highly closeted Japanese gay culture and how the next generation can positively influence its future.  

Confronting Differences

For Yaichi, Mike’s arrival is akin to opening Pandora’s box. Hidden within its depths aren’t sickness, death, and misfortune, but Yaichi’s own inhibitions, fears, regrets, remorse, and apathy. As the story unfolds, Yaichi wrestles with these emotions in extended inner monologues, amid moments that highlight the disruptive influence of Mike’s presence.

These monologues are brutally straightforward and describe the void that separates Mike’s world from Yaichi’s and vice versa. Their relationship, in its infancy, involves a fair share of prejudices and veiled preconceptions that Yaichi holds about Mike’s identity as a gay man. Yaichi feigns ignorance as a coping mechanism. While he is aware of his personal inhibitions, Yaichi takes the easy way out, rather than coming to terms with his feelings. Mike’s arrival forces Yaichi to face his inner demons.

It is a rocky start. Both men are seemingly lost on how to proceed with their relationship as in-laws. On one side, we have Yaichi wrestling with his twin’s past. On the other hand, we have Mike, who wishes to complete his family. It is like an awkward tea party, until Kana comes along.

Our Children Are a Reflection of Us

“Daddy has a brother?! Men can marry each other?! Is that even allowed?!”

“Well, it’s like…In Japan, it’s not allowed, but I guess it’s possible in other parts of the world.”

“Huh? That’s weird. It’s weird that it’s ok over there, but not here.”

Growing up, we are taught about the systematic rules that govern our day to day lives. Somewhere along the way, we lose our ability to question and engage, as well as our capacity to change the world dynamically. Early childhood remains an exception. Filters are meaningless to children. They don’t see the world the way we do as adults. It is their greatest strength, and it is what makes them so damn endearing. It is also for this very reason that we adults have to keep ourselves in check. Our behavior, worldview, and the answers we provide to their questions are crucial. It is not an easy task, and in many cases, it is through our eyes that our children’s worlds often lose their colors.

Yaichi is cautious in his approach to raising Kana. Mike’s appearance throws a wrench in what is a mistakenly ignorant lifestyle. Unlike her father, Kana has no inhibitions and becomes immediately attached to her Canadian uncle. Her curiosity and willingness to ask complex questions often catch both men off guard. At the same time, Kana’s innocence guides the two men to have the conversations they need. Gradually, Yaichi begins to change, and as he does, he begins to recognize the weight of his responsibility as a father. He understands the burden he has inadvertently placed upon his daughter. Kana never needed protection from Mike. Rather, he had been protecting himself from coming to terms with his past.

Chasing Shadows

There is one more thing children are great at, and that is calling out adults for their double standards. Especially true when it is about making excuses for ourselves. Kana does the same to Yaichi, setting the stage for the latter to accept his shortcomings as a brother and a father. This ultimately enables Yaichi to seek redemption.

With Mike for company, he relives the childhood memories of his brother; memories buried deep in his heart. The resulting journey is one of fulfillment for both men and something that brings the whole family together. Yaichi’s redemption operates on multiple levels, illustrating how every individual is a product of various threads of influence, including family, cultural stereotypes, religious beliefs, and traditions. On the other hand, helping Yaichi through this process also ensures that Mike fulfills his husband’s wish for the latter to meet his family. From being reluctant about Mike’s presence in their lives, by the conclusion of the story, Yaichi feels encouraged by his company. Finding happiness in their differences, he openly states that Mike is a part of his family.

That pieces together the final message of the story. In this world, our lives are a transient phenomenon. There are very few who we get to meet, know, live with, and who live for us. In the short time that we have together, rather than dividing ourselves over our differences, let’s live with acceptance.

Gengoroh Tagame

The author of dozens of graphic novels, Gengoroh Tagame’s past works have primarily catered to the adult gay manga audience. My Brother’s Husband is his first all-ages title and an Eisner award-winning title at that. In a dramatic change from the graphic depictions of hypermasculinity, sadomasochism, and sexual violence common to his works, Tagame relies on various cultural motifs to elevate and distinguish the polarizing and heartbreaking nature of life in a highly closeted Japanese gay culture. My personal favorite in My Brother’s Husband involves varying cultural interpretations of otherwise structured sushi dishes to relate to Yaichi’s changing perception of Mike.

My Brother’s Husband is a heart-warming story describing how familial connections can originate from surprising corners of the world. The world is not as big as it used to be. Social media has contributed to this, and we are all caught up in its rapid frenzy, some of which is not entirely positive. My Brother’s Husband switches up the pace. It is heartbreaking, yet hopeful. It is painful, yet healing. It asks us to slow down and look around. It asks us to not throw our judgments upon others so haphazardly. It asks us to be willing to have a conversation. All this and more, in a beautifully rendered story that emphasizes the importance of compassion.

Passing Clouds – Confronting Setbacks

“You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

I have been away for the past year. I was lost. I still am to a certain degree, but I don’t want to admit it. Writing this, I guess, is an acceptance of sorts.

I have faced several setbacks in my life, but I have never let them break my spirit. It is far more challenging to do the same when that setback not only affects you but also your loved ones.

Life is strange. One minute, you have everything you have always wanted. Next, you seemingly lose it all. In my case, I was laid off, and with that, a whole lot of other things just fell into disarray.

The past year has been about coming to terms with the reality of an unpredictable future. Nothing that I haven’t confronted before, but it hurt a lot more knowing that my setback would also affect my family.

There is a certain levity with which you can live your life when you are alone, assuming you are in the right headspace. For some, this is not fun. After all, who likes being alone?

I was alone for a long time, and that journey involved a significant amount of soul-searching until I met my wife. With her by my side, I found a reassuring certainty, and nothing seemed impossible. Now, we are a family, and as a result, my responsibilities have grown. There is now a little one to look after; someone who makes my day brighter, no matter what happens.

Getting laid off was a crushing experience and quite unexpected. It put a wrench in my career aspirations. No one was to blame, and when the news hit, all I could think about was how to move forward.

Children wear their emotions on their sleeves. They do not hesitate to express their feelings vocally, either by shouting, screaming, or crying. Adults, on the other hand, are a complicated mess. I’m the type who restrains their emotions, holding them all in like an overinflated balloon. I do not know why, but it has something to do with being strong.

Being laid off was different. It wasn’t about restraint. There was simply no time to reconcile with my emotions. At one end was my wife, suffering from post-partum depression, and on the other was my loving daughter, who, like all kids do, sought 24/7 attention.

I had to be strong for them. So, I dove back into the hectic world of an unemployed individual seeking jobs. The world has not been too kind to those in the same boat as myself.

It has been tiring.

But this morning, I woke up to the sound of my daughter’s voice as she said, “Appa, good morning! Happy Father’s Day!” She held a gift bag in her hands, and within, were an assortment of crafts she had made for me.

That is when it struck me. I had been waiting so long to find the time and space to confront my deep-seated frustrations, anger, and disappointment; to somehow overcome my nagging insecurities. However, in that moment, as I experienced the happiness surrounding me, I realized I had already moved past my insecurities, thanks to the two individuals sitting across from me.

Dreams are like passing clouds. They are never set in stone. They mutate and transform. When I started this blog in 2016, I dreamt of a career in scientific research. I faced setbacks. I rued not being given a chance to prove myself. I fell down and I got back up. What matters most to me now is a life where I can keep my loved ones happy. That means sharing my highest AND lowest moments with them. Writing allows me to achieve this when I’m unable to speak for myself.

It is now time to go back to the drawing board. A fresh start is no different than staring at a blank piece of paper. The emptiness is daunting but also invites adventure and opportunity. I only have to take a step forward.

When Dreams Fade – Battling Depression and Finding Purpose

What can you do when a loved one sinks into a pit of despair and you are relegated to being a silent bystander, watching it all unravel?

It has been a while everyone. The daily circumstances of my life took a sharp nose dive since my last post on March 15, 2023. To provide some context, I need to go back to 2021 when my wife and I received the greatest gift we could ask for, our baby daughter. Her birth brought forth an enormous amount of change in our lives. We moved from Edmonton, our “20s” home, to Calgary. I landed the ideal job in a career that allowed me to equally indulge my appetite for science, writing, and other creative pursuits.

Our journey as parents hasn’t been easy and remains a struggle to this day but we love our little girl. Ups and downs are the norm and we had to postpone some of our plans and goals but the ensuing joy we found in our daughter’s company made it all worth it.

My wife played an enormous role in motivating me toward a career in writing. She wholeheartedly wished that I pursue my dreams to the fullest and to never give up on my goals. Going into 2022, I wanted to do the same for her. After our daughter’s one-year birthday, I encouraged her to pursue doctoral studies, and so, it began.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Several factors must come together when you are working toward your dreams and living as a family. In our case, it just was not meant to be. With my remote, work-from-home job, we thought the stage was set for a glorious transition. We were off to a great start in the fall of 2022, with my wife heading to university, and our daughter coping well in her absence. In fact, it was better than expected and I had the opportunity to experience several special moments as a father while taking care of our daughter at home.

But in due time, things would get increasingly difficult, especially from a work-life balance front. Having the support of your family is one thing and we were doing great in that aspect but my wife lacked the same in her career. A supportive, encouraging, and understanding supervisor is crucial for a student’s success. Unfortunately, my wife did not get that option. The insurmountable stress from her work would carry into our day-to-day lives. Gradually, our nights became sleepless, there were arguments, struggles in understanding each other’s frustrations, desperation in wanting to support each other’s dreams, and just trying to keep it all together.

Unexpected health emergencies involving our daughter would add to the caustic mood that pervaded our home. After several months of bitterness, fatigue, and exhaustion, we realized that this state of affairs was not sustainable. When the simple act of driving to your workplace sets you mad with stress, you know that something is wrong. As such, my wife decided to give up on her studies. Standing in the wake of her decision, as her dreams fell apart, all I could do was to hold her tight and let her know that everything would be all right.

A Short-Lived Peace

Despite how awful it felt initially, we knew it was the right decision. This was evident in the immediate and immense sense of relief that followed, as though a massive burden was lifted off of our shoulders. With it, there were fewer arguments, peaceful nights, and a lot more laughter in our home.

My wife missed spending time together as a family. She missed her daughter. She missed us. Putting everything aside, we strolled happily into March 2023. Our days were rife with adventure and our nights were filled with hope and wonder. Everything seemed perfect again. Never did I expect what followed afterward.

Sinking

I liken it to an instant fury. An explosion of emotions that carried me away and in its passing, I felt like I was drowning. I didn’t understand what happened but over a few days, I observed my wife slowly retreat into a corner within herself. No matter how much I tried to help, it didn’t make a difference.

The physical symptoms came first. It happened after my wife had stopped breastfeeding. Weekly cycles of nausea, fainting spells, and absolute fatigue. There seemed to be no end to it, and with every consecutive wave, I could sense my wife’s mental strength seep away.

Where there had once been renewed hope and happiness, and excitement for newer beginnings, there was now emptiness, apathy, and extreme grief. Two years after her pregnancy, my wife was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression.

Finding ourselves

For the rest of 2023, I felt like a spectator looking in on my wife’s struggles. Nothing I did seemed to help and all I could do was to just be there by her side. I felt like I had lost my partner while my wife felt that she had lost herself.

I wished to help her find her way back and I acknowledged that she needed this support from someone other than myself. A few months later, in the summer of 2023, my wife started therapy. It was on a need-to basis but it provided her a safe space to vent, gather her thoughts, and come to terms with her life. Old scars re-emerged, new wounds dug deeper, and dreams faded.

Closure

Reflecting on all of this, what my wife and I envisioned for our life after a child was in stark contrast to the reality we experienced. We frequently kept wishing about recovering lost time. It was most difficult for my wife. From the denial that she faced such a reality, to the anger for all the complications throughout her pregnancy, to bargaining on her goals and sinking in the depression that followed, to finally mourning for all that had come to pass.

Acceptance was not easy but we somehow made it. Our days and nights are better. We stumble on occasion but we have learned to pick ourselves up. Our daughter has been the light in the darkness. Living with her has all been about living in the moment and in that sense, we have grown stronger as a family. As for my wife and myself, this experience has only brought us closer. 2024 now lies ahead in an opportunity to rediscover ourselves and push ahead with renewed hope. We have remained steadfast in our promises to keep seeking our dreams and to be there for each other.

Now, it is back to the drawing board. I intend to pick up the pieces that were left behind, re-collect the dreams that had faded, and give them new purpose. After all, isn’t that what life is all about?

What to do when you can’t do much – Dad edition

Part of being a fulltime work-at-home father and taking care of your baby daughter all day, while your partner is off to university, is to be ok with not being able to do anything at all.

Pose me with this problem, a few years back, I would have probably gone crazy. Thankfully, 12 years of university experience came through and gave me an indispensable ability to adapt to fast-changing environments, or in other words, my daughter.

Now, children come in all forms and fortunately, my daughter is an absolute angel. Of course, this offer doesn’t discount its fair share of troubles, but as long as we are able to maintain a consistent routine of dad doing absolutely nothing but procrastinate all day with his daughter, then we are talking business.

At first, the transition was very difficult. It was frustrating that I couldn’t do my hobbies or work on my own terms. Schedules weren’t schedules anymore. Rather, my planner became the equivalent of a versatile Power Morpher, morphing into different Rangers that I had to contend with every day.

But, as the months passed by, I realized that there was a lot more to the chaos than I gave credit for.

Don’t underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.

Winnie the Pooh

Pooh was right. Spending time with my daughter and just absorbing what she had to offer while committing to this daily ritual of procrastination really opened my eyes to all the valuable little details of my life.

In every moment that I got to share with my daughter, I found an entire life’s worth of inspiration, joy, and comfort. I learned to listen more than I have ever before, experiencing a great boost in my mental state, and an explosion of energy when it came to my creative pursuits. In my daughter’s company, I was seeing life through her eyes and experiencing the wonder of many firsts to come.

So, in due time, I was able to turn the tables and figure out four important things that I can do when I can’t do much in the first place:

1. It’s all about perspective.

Children are great at making you reconsider your perspective on just about anything. I used this to great benefit when it came down to tackling work and learning to reframe my mindset when confronted by new challenges.

2. Developing a mental diary/sketchbook

I didn’t have much time to do writing during the day, so how could I still get work done, when I’m not sitting in front of a computer? Carrying a mental diary/sketchbook of sorts is perfect for this. I capitalized on this during my daughter’s naptime and quiet playtime, creating mental charts on my graphic novel plots, sketchbook ideas, science articles to write, and developing a mental monologue on my professional work and creative hobbies. Once my partner came home, thanks to all the mental preparation, I would get all my day’s work done in the span of an hour or two. Productivity + Efficiency = Success!

3. Lots of Reading

You can find no better reading partner than your own child. My daughter loves books and she loves going through them by herself. Dad has a long reading list of his own, spanning all the stuff he wants to learn when it comes to writing novels, art, and fun. It is about time that he works through that list. So, what do we do? We read together. My daughter loves it when I can get involved in what she does by doing something similar. This leaves me with the opportunity of learning something new and improving my skills while teaching some to my daughter as well. Also, this works especially well during naptime!

4. Seeing the bigger picture and the value of time

Every good thing comes to an end. Children grow up REALLY fast. My daughter is an extreme case of that but I’m happy with it. She has taught me the value of time and how important it is to enjoy every moment we have with our loved ones, whenever and wherever possible. Indeed, these moments are precious memories we can revisit for many more years to come.

With all that said, rather than fight to work against my daughter’s flow, I made my routine a part of her own, enhancing my own productivity as a result. Most importantly, I have fully embraced the fact that there is nothing wrong in taking a step back and doing absolutely nothing for part of the day. After all, when it comes to children, there is always a happy surprise waiting to inspire you, around every corner.

Living the DBZ Life!

For starters, if you don’t know what DBZ means, I’m referring to one of the most successful Japanese manga and anime series of all time: Dragonball Z.

DBZ was the first anime I actually watched on TV, and not at my home. Rather, it all went down when my family and I took a trip to Singapore. Long story short, my father had to pry me away from the TV in our hotel room to go on the tour when I would have rather preferred watching the anime instead.

Sounds stupid in retrospect but cut me some slack, I was a 10 year old kid seeing anime for the first time. Little did I know then, that 20 years into the future I would LITERALLY live the DBZ life. So what do I mean by that?

Well, it all has to do with the circumstances of my life over the last few months starting from finishing my doctoral studies, then seeking a steady line of employment (continuing to do so), and most importantly, becoming a Dad. The latter is probably the BIGGEST influencer.

Being a Dad is no easy task (Moms have it even harder) and I’m yet to get used to the role. I still find myself gawking at the fact that there is another tiny human being in my life who loves and wants to be the center of my attention 24/7.

But all that cuteness comes with a steep prize. So, why not I list out how this DBZ Dad’s day goes.

1. Raging Ozaru = Sleep is Overrated

In my previous post, I spoke extensively on the value of sleep as a parent and how it is underrated. Yeah, scratch that. 6 months in, and I can confirm that at this point, sleep is overrated. At some point, you realize that your body just gets used to being awake at night, and starts functioning like a supercomputer, because you would rather lose some sleep as opposed to having your baby daughter cry.

WHERE IS MY SECOND BREAKFAST? I WANT TO PLAY! – The Ozaru transformation is just a small sliver of the power my baby daughter has. Its even easier because she doesn’t need a full moon to become this cute bundle of unbridled rage.

2. Milestones = Dragonballs

Babies absorb the world in their own way and it leads to all kinds of learning. Every now and then, my baby daughter will learn a brand new skill, and set a new milestone in her development. After each one, there would be something new to her personality. After a while, following along on her growth, I found that keeping track of these milestones was no different than seeking the ever elusive Dragonballs.

What would I wish for? Not unlimited power or immortality (as Vegeta would love to), rather that my baby girl continues to be as cute as she is now for like forever.

3. Skyping Kame House

Unwinding is important. Taking care of a baby is tough, no matter how cute they are, and that constant need for attention can become exhausting. That’s what friends and family are for. In a pandemic ridden world, my wife and I have found solace in getting our weekly venting sessions by skyping Kame House (collectively housing our families and friends).

#dbz from meezumaki
Never have I spoken or laughed or been teased as much by family and friends as I am now. Much like an island retreat, I now enjoy these weekly sessions.

4. Nursery = Hyperbolic Time Chamber

The hyperbolic time chamber refers to a location in the DBZ world where one year in the chamber is the equivalent to one day in the real world. DBZ characters would frequently use the harsh conditions of the chamber to train and become stronger.

To me, this is no different than entering the domain of my baby daughter, her nursery. It is a tense environment where one’s mental fatigue fluctuates between the rising need for more diapers, the occasional shrieks and screams, and a boatload of crying that tears one’s heart asunder.

Best Hyperbolic Time Chamber GIFs | Gfycat
But when all is said and done, and my baby girl is fast asleep or smiling in her crib, I get to walk out like this.

5. Training to beat Goku or at least Yamcha.

To keep up with a baby, you have got to train hard. Training here is quite different though, and you have got to learn along the way.

I can never predict what my baby daughter would do the next moment, and so, training to be mindful of her environment and her emotions have become crucial to tackle anything she throws (figuratively and literally) at me.

At the least, I do my best to get to the same level of badass that is Goku. The exact opposite extreme is Yamcha, and sometimes helping my baby daughter is trying to aspire between these two extremes.

For now, I can’t deny I’ve come off feeling more like a Yamcha after heeding to her calls, despite feeling like a Goku for myself.

6. Becoming a Z Warrior

Despite the sleeplessness and the constant fatigue, I can say that I have never lived this strongly in the present and that is among the best gifts my baby daughter has given me, besides herself.

It is also inherently characteristic of a Z warrior where the focus is not on who we can beat to a pulp, in highly relativistic fights, but dedicating oneself to a consistent regimen where we strive to be the best not only for ourselves but also for our loved ones.

Being with my daughter has helped me face my own personal challenges head on and with a positive attitude. In the process I’ve gained more strength to aspire for greater heights.

7. The Eternal Adventure

The best part of my day is when my baby daughter is blissfully asleep in her crib. I do not mean this in the sense that my wife and I can finally catch a break. Rather, it is in the spirit of the emotion I feel when my baby girl bids me goodnight, knowing that her father will always love her and how much more he is looking forward to the surprises she is ready to throw his way the following day.

I find this emotion be similar to the excitement and amazement I felt in watching DBZ and immersing in its world as a kid myself.

#baby pan from msdbzbabe
It makes it all the more awesome that I can feel the same with my baby daughter, in what I feel is an eternal adventure where I get to see my whole world anew through her life.

Top 10 Things I Have Learned as a Rookie Dad from my Baby Daughter

Irrespective of the fact if you have a baby daughter or son, I’m sure rookie dads all around the world will find something in common to what my list has to offer.

I, for one, have learned much since my baby daughter arrived. These lessons have ranged from small pearls of wisdom to unexpected surprises. No matter the nature of my learning, the takeaway is the happiness I experience in its wake, in this moment, growing with my child and seeing the world through her eyes.

Let us get started.

1. Sleep is underrated.

This one is pretty obvious. I have had my fair share of late nights and the occasional all-nighter during my time at university. Going into this baby business, my confidence was right up there. I should be able to handle some late nights, right?

Yeah, not really. Never have I realized the value of sleep like I do now.

Not when these late nights become a regularity over several months. Never have I felt more tired! Squeezing in those power naps really became a priority so I could balance out with my wife on taking care of the little rebel.

What matters is that my baby girl gets her beauty sleep because a happy baby is better than a cranky one. It is a real power struggle.

2. There is a new boss in the house.

Power is a complicated thing. My wife and I got pretty good at this game. After having gone through various phases of our life together, we’ve learned to work as a team and function as a solid and cohesive unit. After all, team work is the best.

I think not.

That doesn’t really matter so much for our baby girl. In her opinion, you either take power or you don’t. She is the new boss of the house, and in being bossy, she makes us do all sorts of things, starting with absolutely nothing.

3. Doing absolutely nothing is awesome.

When you spend a good decade, jumping from one class to the next, doing assignments, prepping for exams, graduating from university, looking for jobs, and so on and so forth, you sometimes forget the value of just sitting down and doing absolutely nothing.

Sometimes, by doing absolutely nothing, you get a whole lot of something.

One of the best parts about being a dad for me is to look back at my day and realize I have accomplished practically nothing. That’s alright though, because that “nothing” is filled with doing everything I can to keep my baby girl happy and nothing is better than seeing her smile.

4. Inspiration is just around the corner.

As an aspiring writer and artist, spending time with my baby girl has become my greatest source of creativity and inspiration. Every day becomes an adventure!

I love the experience that is growing with my baby girl, and learning to see the world through her eyes.

Not only has it made me work harder toward my own dreams but it comes with additional benefits in kindling ideas for my stories and artwork. At this rate, my baby daughter will be a contributing author in my works. The main point is to be in the moment, and relish it.

5. Being in the moment.

As a dad, all of a sudden, there is so much to think about, from the then, the now, and the what comes after. It became quite stressful. But I’ve realized that with my baby girl, what matters is being in the moment.

Inner peace…

I have no idea what is going to happen in the future, and there is no point in worrying endlessly about it. I can learn from the mistakes I’ve made in the past but I cannot get overly critical of myself. What matters is the now, where there are so many precious moments to indulge in and relish.

And when the now gets to be too much, taking a break also comes in handy. Being in the moment helps with that too, and that has been a valuable lesson for a dad like me who often thinks too many things at the same time.

6. No need to go to the gym.

Having hit 30, for some reason, my brain must have sent memos to all my body parts stating that their warranty is over. Cue muscle spasms, shoulder aches, and all sorts of things that I have never had to deal with in my life. It was time to hit the gym again but with Covid-19 still going strong, I wasn’t too comfortable with that either.

Exercising and physical health is important when a baby is around.

Funnily enough, my baby girl has facilitated this: from regular walks in the neighborhood, and lots of action around the house from bicep/tricep curls, sit-ups, squatting, all of which can be done while entertaining my baby girl. No need for a gym membership. Exercising also keeps my mental health primed.

7. Thinking on your feet.

And that is important, because with my baby daughter I’ve learned the importance of thinking on my feet.

Expect the unexpected eh?

My baby girl is quite the explorer so what may hold her attention now may no longer interest her a few minutes later. This can get annoying, but that’s where patience comes in.

8. Patience is a virtue.

It truly is. Babies are fun but god they are also extremely difficult. I love my baby daughter, but every now and then my wife and I would feel overwhelmed with what she is throwing at us.

Patience really helped in seeing the bigger picture.

Its something I had to drill into my head because babies can be difficult in different ways every day.

Why? Because they are learning so much every single instance. If I can get overwhelmed just by having to do two or three activities at the same time, I cannot imagine the information input my baby daughter goes through everyday.

Plus, it really helped my wife. And on that note…

9. Moms are amazing.

Truly. Seeing what my wife does, night in and night out, I am at a loss for words at the pure energy (fueled by love, frustration, lots of fatigue, and just a relentless will) she displays in taking care of our baby girl.

When I expressed my amazement to my wife, her response was, “I know I’m awesome.”

Much respect for all the moms out there, especially during these tough times. It is in that amazement that I’m also driven as a dad to do my best, if not better, to not only make my baby girl happy but also my wife.

I’ve learned that I don’t have to think too hard about it. A small bucket of ice-cream, and tagging in with the baby girl, goes a long way.

10. Life, Love, and Laughter.

Which brings me to the greatest and best lesson of all.

Learning to take in life as it is, sharing all the love you have to offer, and laughing as much you can.

That really is the secret recipe. Both my wife and my baby daughter have taught me this and it has made my life all the better. Not to mention, it is extremely motivating in whatever I do and has made my experience as a dad all the more enjoyable.

And that’s it for my list. Now, seeing that it is my turn to tag in, I shall bid adieu to you my readers! I will be back with another post very soon!

Becoming a Dad

In my previous post, I mentioned that there was a bigger story to my absence from the blog over the last few months. I guess the title has already spoiled the mystery.

Yes! I am now officially a Dad!

I’m still getting used to my friends and family teasing me on my newly acquired status but it is one that I’ve long yearned for, and I’m all the more happy for my wife and for us in that we have made it so far.

Our little one has been quite the storm and apart from uprooting our sleep cycle, she brings the greatest joy in our life in everything she is. I have to applaud my wonderful wife who has been a champion throughout all the struggles and complications we had to face in the earlier laps of this new journey in our life. Leina, you are absolutely amazing.

Being a Dad has been a unique experience and one that I have enjoyed so far. I can’t wait to confront all the fun challenges waiting just around the corner. Every day means something special and new to discover with our little one, and the atmosphere altogether has only made me relish the surprises she will continue to provide us in the long run.

As such, my absence over the last few months can largely be attributed to keeping up with my little one and managing the final strands of my doctoral studies that I’m now set to complete over the summer. All the hustle and bustle had me set aside my writing and artwork so that I may solely focus on what is most important: spending time with my baby daughter.

Interestingly, I have found greater inspiration in her company and enough so that I’m brimming with ideas to keep up and execute in posts that I wish to share in the blog alongside artwork and writing that I intend to complete.

In the weeks to follow, I hope to build on just that with The Pensive Reverie and The Procrastinating Scientist. With that said, I shall now return to the cute little giggles of my beautiful baby daughter who I just can’t get enough of. (As diaper monitor, it is also imperative I’m at her beck and call.)

I will see you all soon with a new story to share!

The Art of Perseverance

When you arrive at a crossroad in life, you can guarantee that it will come with its fair share of mixed feelings and emotions. The last month has been just that amidst some giant leaps and developments in my personal life, and ergo, my absence from The Pensive Reverie. It has all been about perseverance amidst the changes that I expect moving forward (delightful as they are) in a committed relationship with my partner and one which will invite company in due time.

The experience has had far-reaching implications, often to hilarious effect, in various aspects of my life. From an adventurous sleeping cycle and a total re-organization of daily activities, the last month has kept me thinking if I’m back at the university dorms doing undergraduate studies.

Jokes aside, these recent developments have also led to difficult engagements in other aspects of my life largely revolving around family. Long back, I had written a post titled Constructing an Identity where I had identified myself as a third-culture kid.

Much of this was related to my experiences in traveling around the world to different countries throughout my teenage years, and the struggle that accompanied my efforts in balancing my cultural personality. Most of all,

I found the inability to openly discuss individual differences within my culture as a major obstacle in communication. Social interactions would rather become a form of control, followed by an equally weighted concern for internal, and external judgment.  

During a pandemic, when you are living in the opposite corner of the world from your family, things get a little difficult. So, needless to say, much of August has also involved a consistent dose of perseverance, now spanning several years, in dealing with tumultuous family dynamics.

Communication can be darn difficult especially in situations where you expect it to be easy. A dollop of a multicultural relationship, topped with differing ideals and perspectives, make the ensuing conversations even more difficult. Despite this, I find it necessary to persevere because after all family is family. August has been fruitful in that I was able to find a measure of closure concerning much of these issues.

With that being said, I will return very soon with a new post and updates about my latest efforts in writing my graphic novel, and artistic adventures.

Moving on…

I started writing a journal right around the time of my grandfather’s passing. I believe my decision to do so was in an effort to confront a loved one’s death and a reaction to what was a coming-of-age experience. I’ve kept up with my journal to this day, and it now serves as a treasure trove of memories.

Memories are a powerful emotion. My writing has largely been inspired by the experiences I have had over the course of my life. Along the way, I have gradually collected a library of the same, in my journal, that I’ve come to value dearly.

A few months ago, I posted a review on Will Eisner’s graphic novels. Among the ones I read, The Building left a long-lasting impression. Its premise focused on a building that served as the setting for the drama that brought together the story’s cast of characters. With the passing of time, the building’s subsequent aging and the corresponding circumstances reflect pivotal moments in each character’s life and their attachment to a building that has become synonymous with their life’s travails.

When my grandfather passed away, the decision was made for renovations to be done and for his home to be rented out to another family. I, on the other hand, was adamant that the house and its contents be left as they were, serving as a memorial in remembrance of the wonderful moments my family and I had shared with my grandfather in its quarters. In retrospect, I believe my frustrations were born of my unwillingness to let go but in due time I would do exactly that, leaning instead towards the descriptive passages of my journal to remember the irreplaceable memories of my grandfather and his home where I had spent much of my childhood. That was more than a decade ago.

Now, 29 years old, I found myself doing the same on the occasion of the passing of a close friend and mentor. Here too there was a venue, another building to remember. Gathering my accessories I traveled back in time to revisit it, allowing those memorable moments I had shared with my mentor to wash over the closeted corners of my mind. At times, a part of me wondered if my efforts were futile in nature and  no different than the actions of my younger counterpart, in my inability to let go.

An answer initially felt out of reach but looking back at Eisner’s The Building I was able to string together a response. I realized that my struggle wasn’t about an inability to let go but a work in progress to accept a natural ritual of life we all experience at some point in our lives. It is in many ways similar to writing a story, and one that allows us to cherish the past while continuing our individual journey in the present.

It is a story that offers the bittersweet truth that time will always continue to flow forward. Often, this reality leaves us restless. It drives us to reach out to our memories, snapshots that somehow provide a semblance of permanence and peace, against the inevitable tempest of change.

At the same time, understanding this has also helped me realize how important it is to cherish the present, and to learn to live in the moment. What better can we do in memory of our loved ones than by living those moments that made us together, and sharing them with those who make our present in an eternal tribute.

Living in the Past, ’96: A Movie Review

This post is a first for me as it is a review of a 2018 Tamil film which made waves in my home state of Tamil Nadu, India upon its release. Having watched the movie only recently, and being a Tamil movie enthusiast, I was left wondering how I had missed it at all.

’96 is a romantic drama starring prominent Kollywood actors Vijay Sethupathi and Trisha Krishnan in the lead roles of Ram and Jaanu, two high school sweethearts from the 1996 batch meeting again at a reunion, 22 years after their initial parting.

The plot progresses periodically between episodes of Ram and Jaanu’s past in 1996 when they were classmates in high school and fell in love, to their present state 22 years later. Their reunion, and subsequent interactions in coming to terms with their present lives form the crux of the film in an excellent eulogy capturing the nostalgia of first-love, the inevitability of time, and the power of memories.

A movie succeeds when it is able to make its audience part of its story.  Unlike most movies where I have played the classic part of the audience as a third-party individual looking in at the protagonists’ journey from a removed space, ’96 offered a refreshing and unique experience where I felt drawn into the world of Ram and Jaanu as though I were one of their close friends relating with their journey.

This is achieved largely through the original background score  of ’96. The music is evocative, providing  a unique dialogue that embraces the subtle emotions and silence reflected in the company of the protagonists, while simultaneously transcending the story by drawing the audience into their journey.

Indeed, Ram and Jaanu’s experiences reminded me of my very own efforts in writing Our Last Summer: A Personal Memoir as well as A Little Bit of Everything. Both books were motivated by my desires to capture and immortalize cherished memories from high school and the last few years of my life. The fundamental themes of love, memories, the inexorable passage of time, and the very act of remembering and living in the past as evidenced by the characters in the movie touched me deeply and served as an additional reminder of my personal life resolution to “cherish the memories of the past, live the present, and happily anticipate the future.”

I learned this lesson in the company of a tragic event in my life. It has helped me since to become stronger as an individual in making my future by remembering the past that builds my present and appreciating the subtle and simple things that I often tend to take for granted in my day to day adventures. 

Ram and Jaanu face those very same questions and find their answers in ’96. I leave it to you, my readers, to find out their journey’s end and be inspired to engage in your own drive down memory lane. ’96 joins the prestigious group of a select set of movies that have come from the Tamil film industry that I believe transcend its culture and language. I highly recommend the film for all my readers as it is readily available on Youtube, Google Play, or Einthusan.