Tag: Therapy

Fighting Demons and Overcoming Generational Trauma – K-Pop Demon Hunters Review

She can sing and dance; she has all the fans; she has two best buddies, a caring manager, and all the popularity one can desire. Still, behind her seemingly joyous disposition lies a subtle sadness that offers a window into her personal turmoil. This is Rumi from K-Pop Demon Hunters.

I know I’m a little late to the K-pop bandwagon, but I really didn’t expect this movie to hit me as deep as it did. Back in 2013, when Frozen was released, I remember the hysteria that followed suit. The songs from that movie were just about everywhere, and it got tiring pretty fast. BUT, after becoming a father and watching Frozen with my daughter, I could understand the hype. Still, I didn’t rate it very high on my list of animated movies. K-Pop Demon Hunters, though, is a whole different story.

I had the movie on my watchlist for quite some time. After my daughter kept mentioning Rumi frequently from her dayhome visits, I realized we might as well sit and watch the movie together. There I was on a Friday night, with a bowl of popcorn in my lap, getting ready to enjoy the movie with my family. An hour and a half later, my daughter gets ready for bed, and I’m sitting with a lump in my throat. The songs were great, and the animation was absolutely terrific. The comedy and gags (especially those hinting at a comical self-awareness of K-dramas) also landed really well. Most of all, the incorporation of cultural elements and a story that, while being simple and sweet, carried deeply profound messaging, hit hard.

Rumi, our protagonist, is part-demon and part-hunter. Rumi’s mentor, Celine, counsels Rumi on her mixed identity and maintains that it is a truth that must remain hidden until it can be “fixed.” Rumi keeps that secret, one which evolves into a generational trauma where one “must keep our fears and faults hidden”, and struggles with her fragmented identity while hiding it from her closest friends and Huntrix teammates, Mira and Zoey.

But, as we all know, the longer you keep such a secret, the heavier the burden. Rumi feels the weight of her identity come crashing down upon her once she meets her counterpart in Jinu, lead singer of the demon boy band (yeah, you heard that right), and a foil to Rumi. Jinu’s own regrets and guilt mirror Rumi’s struggles. The story revolves around how these two characters connect, reconcile their feelings, move forward, and a whole lot more.

I’m currently undergoing therapy to deal with some stuff in my personal life. Part of that involves third-culture kid syndrome, some generational trauma, and a dollop of internalized emotions and experiences. Put it all together, and you get me, the grown-ass adult sitting with a lump in his throat after watching K-Pop Demon Hunters.

This movie works really well on so many levels, especially with its messaging towards accepting differences and oneself, even with all our faults. Sometimes even the most well-intentioned wishes can cause hurt and pain, and sometimes this can come from those closest to us. In these moments, I’ve learned that you can find strength by trusting yourself and letting your emotions flow rather than repressing them. Being vulnerable about your emotions and misgivings don’t make you weak. It takes great strength to speak what is in your heart, and it is the best way forward to accepting oneself.

As Rumi and Jinu sing it, “We can’t fix it if we never face it.”

K-Pop Demon Hunters is a perfectly well-balanced movie for a diverse audience, and all the more reason that it has found great success. The ending certainly leaves you wanting more, and I’m glad to know that a sequel is in development. Rumi goes from hunting literal demons to battling the one within herself. The mystical barrier of the “honmoon” she has vowed to protect is a beautiful metaphor for her inner struggle and the repressed undercurrent of her emotions. Finally, her willingness to find strength by accepting herself and sharing that truth with her friends, who, in turn, embrace her, brings it all full circle with Rumi no longer hiding but shining, as she was born to be. In a way, I think that’s something we can all do for ourselves.

When Dreams Fade – Battling Depression and Finding Purpose

What can you do when a loved one sinks into a pit of despair and you are relegated to being a silent bystander, watching it all unravel?

It has been a while everyone. The daily circumstances of my life took a sharp nose dive since my last post on March 15, 2023. To provide some context, I need to go back to 2021 when my wife and I received the greatest gift we could ask for, our baby daughter. Her birth brought forth an enormous amount of change in our lives. We moved from Edmonton, our “20s” home, to Calgary. I landed the ideal job in a career that allowed me to equally indulge my appetite for science, writing, and other creative pursuits.

Our journey as parents hasn’t been easy and remains a struggle to this day but we love our little girl. Ups and downs are the norm and we had to postpone some of our plans and goals but the ensuing joy we found in our daughter’s company made it all worth it.

My wife played an enormous role in motivating me toward a career in writing. She wholeheartedly wished that I pursue my dreams to the fullest and to never give up on my goals. Going into 2022, I wanted to do the same for her. After our daughter’s one-year birthday, I encouraged her to pursue doctoral studies, and so, it began.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Several factors must come together when you are working toward your dreams and living as a family. In our case, it just was not meant to be. With my remote, work-from-home job, we thought the stage was set for a glorious transition. We were off to a great start in the fall of 2022, with my wife heading to university, and our daughter coping well in her absence. In fact, it was better than expected and I had the opportunity to experience several special moments as a father while taking care of our daughter at home.

But in due time, things would get increasingly difficult, especially from a work-life balance front. Having the support of your family is one thing and we were doing great in that aspect but my wife lacked the same in her career. A supportive, encouraging, and understanding supervisor is crucial for a student’s success. Unfortunately, my wife did not get that option. The insurmountable stress from her work would carry into our day-to-day lives. Gradually, our nights became sleepless, there were arguments, struggles in understanding each other’s frustrations, desperation in wanting to support each other’s dreams, and just trying to keep it all together.

Unexpected health emergencies involving our daughter would add to the caustic mood that pervaded our home. After several months of bitterness, fatigue, and exhaustion, we realized that this state of affairs was not sustainable. When the simple act of driving to your workplace sets you mad with stress, you know that something is wrong. As such, my wife decided to give up on her studies. Standing in the wake of her decision, as her dreams fell apart, all I could do was to hold her tight and let her know that everything would be all right.

A Short-Lived Peace

Despite how awful it felt initially, we knew it was the right decision. This was evident in the immediate and immense sense of relief that followed, as though a massive burden was lifted off of our shoulders. With it, there were fewer arguments, peaceful nights, and a lot more laughter in our home.

My wife missed spending time together as a family. She missed her daughter. She missed us. Putting everything aside, we strolled happily into March 2023. Our days were rife with adventure and our nights were filled with hope and wonder. Everything seemed perfect again. Never did I expect what followed afterward.

Sinking

I liken it to an instant fury. An explosion of emotions that carried me away and in its passing, I felt like I was drowning. I didn’t understand what happened but over a few days, I observed my wife slowly retreat into a corner within herself. No matter how much I tried to help, it didn’t make a difference.

The physical symptoms came first. It happened after my wife had stopped breastfeeding. Weekly cycles of nausea, fainting spells, and absolute fatigue. There seemed to be no end to it, and with every consecutive wave, I could sense my wife’s mental strength seep away.

Where there had once been renewed hope and happiness, and excitement for newer beginnings, there was now emptiness, apathy, and extreme grief. Two years after her pregnancy, my wife was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression.

Finding ourselves

For the rest of 2023, I felt like a spectator looking in on my wife’s struggles. Nothing I did seemed to help and all I could do was to just be there by her side. I felt like I had lost my partner while my wife felt that she had lost herself.

I wished to help her find her way back and I acknowledged that she needed this support from someone other than myself. A few months later, in the summer of 2023, my wife started therapy. It was on a need-to basis but it provided her a safe space to vent, gather her thoughts, and come to terms with her life. Old scars re-emerged, new wounds dug deeper, and dreams faded.

Closure

Reflecting on all of this, what my wife and I envisioned for our life after a child was in stark contrast to the reality we experienced. We frequently kept wishing about recovering lost time. It was most difficult for my wife. From the denial that she faced such a reality, to the anger for all the complications throughout her pregnancy, to bargaining on her goals and sinking in the depression that followed, to finally mourning for all that had come to pass.

Acceptance was not easy but we somehow made it. Our days and nights are better. We stumble on occasion but we have learned to pick ourselves up. Our daughter has been the light in the darkness. Living with her has all been about living in the moment and in that sense, we have grown stronger as a family. As for my wife and myself, this experience has only brought us closer. 2024 now lies ahead in an opportunity to rediscover ourselves and push ahead with renewed hope. We have remained steadfast in our promises to keep seeking our dreams and to be there for each other.

Now, it is back to the drawing board. I intend to pick up the pieces that were left behind, re-collect the dreams that had faded, and give them new purpose. After all, isn’t that what life is all about?