Tag: Baby

When Dreams Fade – Battling Depression and Finding Purpose

What can you do when a loved one sinks into a pit of despair and you are relegated to being a silent bystander, watching it all unravel?

It has been a while everyone. The daily circumstances of my life took a sharp nose dive since my last post on March 15, 2023. To provide some context, I need to go back to 2021 when my wife and I received the greatest gift we could ask for, our baby daughter. Her birth brought forth an enormous amount of change in our lives. We moved from Edmonton, our “20s” home, to Calgary. I landed the ideal job in a career that allowed me to equally indulge my appetite for science, writing, and other creative pursuits.

Our journey as parents hasn’t been easy and remains a struggle to this day but we love our little girl. Ups and downs are the norm and we had to postpone some of our plans and goals but the ensuing joy we found in our daughter’s company made it all worth it.

My wife played an enormous role in motivating me toward a career in writing. She wholeheartedly wished that I pursue my dreams to the fullest and to never give up on my goals. Going into 2022, I wanted to do the same for her. After our daughter’s one-year birthday, I encouraged her to pursue doctoral studies, and so, it began.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Several factors must come together when you are working toward your dreams and living as a family. In our case, it just was not meant to be. With my remote, work-from-home job, we thought the stage was set for a glorious transition. We were off to a great start in the fall of 2022, with my wife heading to university, and our daughter coping well in her absence. In fact, it was better than expected and I had the opportunity to experience several special moments as a father while taking care of our daughter at home.

But in due time, things would get increasingly difficult, especially from a work-life balance front. Having the support of your family is one thing and we were doing great in that aspect but my wife lacked the same in her career. A supportive, encouraging, and understanding supervisor is crucial for a student’s success. Unfortunately, my wife did not get that option. The insurmountable stress from her work would carry into our day-to-day lives. Gradually, our nights became sleepless, there were arguments, struggles in understanding each other’s frustrations, desperation in wanting to support each other’s dreams, and just trying to keep it all together.

Unexpected health emergencies involving our daughter would add to the caustic mood that pervaded our home. After several months of bitterness, fatigue, and exhaustion, we realized that this state of affairs was not sustainable. When the simple act of driving to your workplace sets you mad with stress, you know that something is wrong. As such, my wife decided to give up on her studies. Standing in the wake of her decision, as her dreams fell apart, all I could do was to hold her tight and let her know that everything would be all right.

A Short-Lived Peace

Despite how awful it felt initially, we knew it was the right decision. This was evident in the immediate and immense sense of relief that followed, as though a massive burden was lifted off of our shoulders. With it, there were fewer arguments, peaceful nights, and a lot more laughter in our home.

My wife missed spending time together as a family. She missed her daughter. She missed us. Putting everything aside, we strolled happily into March 2023. Our days were rife with adventure and our nights were filled with hope and wonder. Everything seemed perfect again. Never did I expect what followed afterward.

Sinking

I liken it to an instant fury. An explosion of emotions that carried me away and in its passing, I felt like I was drowning. I didn’t understand what happened but over a few days, I observed my wife slowly retreat into a corner within herself. No matter how much I tried to help, it didn’t make a difference.

The physical symptoms came first. It happened after my wife had stopped breastfeeding. Weekly cycles of nausea, fainting spells, and absolute fatigue. There seemed to be no end to it, and with every consecutive wave, I could sense my wife’s mental strength seep away.

Where there had once been renewed hope and happiness, and excitement for newer beginnings, there was now emptiness, apathy, and extreme grief. Two years after her pregnancy, my wife was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression.

Finding ourselves

For the rest of 2023, I felt like a spectator looking in on my wife’s struggles. Nothing I did seemed to help and all I could do was to just be there by her side. I felt like I had lost my partner while my wife felt that she had lost herself.

I wished to help her find her way back and I acknowledged that she needed this support from someone other than myself. A few months later, in the summer of 2023, my wife started therapy. It was on a need-to basis but it provided her a safe space to vent, gather her thoughts, and come to terms with her life. Old scars re-emerged, new wounds dug deeper, and dreams faded.

Closure

Reflecting on all of this, what my wife and I envisioned for our life after a child was in stark contrast to the reality we experienced. We frequently kept wishing about recovering lost time. It was most difficult for my wife. From the denial that she faced such a reality, to the anger for all the complications throughout her pregnancy, to bargaining on her goals and sinking in the depression that followed, to finally mourning for all that had come to pass.

Acceptance was not easy but we somehow made it. Our days and nights are better. We stumble on occasion but we have learned to pick ourselves up. Our daughter has been the light in the darkness. Living with her has all been about living in the moment and in that sense, we have grown stronger as a family. As for my wife and myself, this experience has only brought us closer. 2024 now lies ahead in an opportunity to rediscover ourselves and push ahead with renewed hope. We have remained steadfast in our promises to keep seeking our dreams and to be there for each other.

Now, it is back to the drawing board. I intend to pick up the pieces that were left behind, re-collect the dreams that had faded, and give them new purpose. After all, isn’t that what life is all about?

How to get started as an amateur artist – my journey so far!

Back in November 2021 I wrote a post about Getting back into Art and how it boiled down to a balancing act between my day job as a freelance science writer and my nighttime escapades as a story writer and aspiring comic book artist.

Just a few weeks after that post, I landed a permanent, full-time position as a science writer for the magazine Lab Manager. 2021 would come to a close with my family relocating to Calgary, Alberta. The months to follow would be wave upon wave of developments. My baby daughter was growing up, and fast! It was all I could do to keep up with her, my day job, and an assortment of other day-to-day commitments, while my wife was off to grad school.

My prospective plans for the Story Art Mentorship program I had enrolled in for 2021-2022 crumbled to pieces. I realized that I needed to be realistic with the time I had available for myself (there wasn’t much). I had to be patient and wait for my baby daughter to become the toddler she was destined to be (when I could recover a semblance of regularity in my daily activities). Until then, art (and writing) would have to remain in the sidelines.

This was awful but I found a way around it. I began organizing all the knowledge I had gained toward my artistic goals over the last four years. all the way from my experiences at the various comic-cons and art expos, the many mentors I had met and connected with, the various art books and online resources I had purchased, to the persisting doubts and questions yet to be answered. I collected all of this into a mental journal of sorts which I transcribed into my OneNote Notebook. Come 2023, this journal has transformed into an all-encompassing organizer and a solo art study program that I have adopted for myself.

What I had originally perceived as a step backward from my creative goals, became the greatest jump toward them. Ever since my last post, I have had the chance to build upon my artistic skills and foundations in an iterative manner (as you can see in the header image). No mistake about it, I still have a LONG way to go. At times, I do feel like Achilles racing against the tortoise (representative of my ever growing list of goals and challenges), in Zeno’s paradox. But, I’m very glad with the progress I have made so far.

Moving forward, I would like to share this journey with all my readers and any of my peers in the artistic community, reading in. While my approach is largely subjective to my circumstances and personal life, I hope that some part of the resources that I have found and the steps I have taken, connect and help any aspiring artists among my readers.

Next up, I will begin by addressing the first and biggest challenge for most beginner artists getting started on their journey, and one that I particularly had difficulty with: How does one start in the first place?

And before you go, remember, you can also follow my art work and progress at at LockeInArt on Instagram where I post my finished pieces!

What to do when you can’t do much – Dad edition

Part of being a fulltime work-at-home father and taking care of your baby daughter all day, while your partner is off to university, is to be ok with not being able to do anything at all.

Pose me with this problem, a few years back, I would have probably gone crazy. Thankfully, 12 years of university experience came through and gave me an indispensable ability to adapt to fast-changing environments, or in other words, my daughter.

Now, children come in all forms and fortunately, my daughter is an absolute angel. Of course, this offer doesn’t discount its fair share of troubles, but as long as we are able to maintain a consistent routine of dad doing absolutely nothing but procrastinate all day with his daughter, then we are talking business.

At first, the transition was very difficult. It was frustrating that I couldn’t do my hobbies or work on my own terms. Schedules weren’t schedules anymore. Rather, my planner became the equivalent of a versatile Power Morpher, morphing into different Rangers that I had to contend with every day.

But, as the months passed by, I realized that there was a lot more to the chaos than I gave credit for.

Don’t underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.

Winnie the Pooh

Pooh was right. Spending time with my daughter and just absorbing what she had to offer while committing to this daily ritual of procrastination really opened my eyes to all the valuable little details of my life.

In every moment that I got to share with my daughter, I found an entire life’s worth of inspiration, joy, and comfort. I learned to listen more than I have ever before, experiencing a great boost in my mental state, and an explosion of energy when it came to my creative pursuits. In my daughter’s company, I was seeing life through her eyes and experiencing the wonder of many firsts to come.

So, in due time, I was able to turn the tables and figure out four important things that I can do when I can’t do much in the first place:

1. It’s all about perspective.

Children are great at making you reconsider your perspective on just about anything. I used this to great benefit when it came down to tackling work and learning to reframe my mindset when confronted by new challenges.

2. Developing a mental diary/sketchbook

I didn’t have much time to do writing during the day, so how could I still get work done, when I’m not sitting in front of a computer? Carrying a mental diary/sketchbook of sorts is perfect for this. I capitalized on this during my daughter’s naptime and quiet playtime, creating mental charts on my graphic novel plots, sketchbook ideas, science articles to write, and developing a mental monologue on my professional work and creative hobbies. Once my partner came home, thanks to all the mental preparation, I would get all my day’s work done in the span of an hour or two. Productivity + Efficiency = Success!

3. Lots of Reading

You can find no better reading partner than your own child. My daughter loves books and she loves going through them by herself. Dad has a long reading list of his own, spanning all the stuff he wants to learn when it comes to writing novels, art, and fun. It is about time that he works through that list. So, what do we do? We read together. My daughter loves it when I can get involved in what she does by doing something similar. This leaves me with the opportunity of learning something new and improving my skills while teaching some to my daughter as well. Also, this works especially well during naptime!

4. Seeing the bigger picture and the value of time

Every good thing comes to an end. Children grow up REALLY fast. My daughter is an extreme case of that but I’m happy with it. She has taught me the value of time and how important it is to enjoy every moment we have with our loved ones, whenever and wherever possible. Indeed, these moments are precious memories we can revisit for many more years to come.

With all that said, rather than fight to work against my daughter’s flow, I made my routine a part of her own, enhancing my own productivity as a result. Most importantly, I have fully embraced the fact that there is nothing wrong in taking a step back and doing absolutely nothing for part of the day. After all, when it comes to children, there is always a happy surprise waiting to inspire you, around every corner.

Biryani – Recapping 2022

End of the year = recap time! It is an opportunity to look back at what I have accomplished and give myself a pat on the back. More often than not though, these recaps feature an expansive list of incomplete goals that I carry into the new year. 2022 is no different.

My last update in July celebrated the life of a childhood hero of mine, Takahashi-sensei, following his tragic passing. Moving on from there, everything seemed perfectly set in place to finish the second half of 2022 with a bang, but as always, life had plans of its own.

Now what does any of this have to do with biryani, the popular mixed meat and rice dish from the Indian subcontinent? Trust me, we are getting there. When it comes to Indian food, I particularly love biryani. Call me a “biryaniac”, if that is even a word, and much like all the ingredients and effort that goes into making a tasty biryani, my experience of 2022 was pretty much the same. Disclaimer: this is not an actual recipe.

We start by marinating the meat.

2022 began with an end. My wife and I left the frigid streets of Edmonton and moved to the Chinook-y plains of Calgary. Setting aside the initial melancholy of departing our 20s home in Edmonton, my wife and I grew to love what we found in Calgary. Settling into our new townhouse was a work of six months. Getting into the groove of being a full-time father, a lot more.

But, the longer the marination, the better it is.

Every moment with my baby daughter is a precious gift. From the swift punches to the sloppy kisses, she has taken me on the wildest ride of my life, one that continues to this day. My new career as a science writer was practically the cherry on top. The opportunity to work from home meant I could remain a constant presence in my her daily life while I continued working toward my professional goals.

With all the preparatory materials at hand, we move forward to get the spice paste, vegetables, and rice ready for our biryani.

Rolling into summer, we ground the spices and chopped the vegetables, categorically organizing our plans for the second half of 2022, and soaked the rice (in water) in anticipation of a family reunion. After nearly three years into the pandemic, we finally got to see our families again over the summer. The purchase of my first car would make the deal all the sweeter and much of the time between June to August would be spent on road trips visiting nearby destinations and relatives. I would also celebrate 31 years of traveling around the sun. Covid remained a worry and we would do our best to be vigilant and keep our activities to minimalistic affairs. Still, despite all our efforts, we would all fall sick with Covid by the end of summer, after having avoided it for nearly two years.

Temper and sauté time.

Covid brought everything to a halt. It was a frustrating experience. We were especially worried sick about our daughter. Post the sauté, came the cooking of the meat and the rice. And cook we did, feverishly so for a few weeks. We recovered in due time but the damage was done and our initial momentum stifled. In what was to follow, we couldn’t catch a break as it was soon assembly time.

Biryani, assemble.

From the pan and into the fire, layer by layer, we had to assemble our biryani, and that was when I took a step back from social media altogether. Each layer had its share of mixed ingredients. Dipping into the fall season, the first layer involved my immersion as a full-time father while my wife began her doctoral studies. It was a “relativistic” experience. Little time passed by and yet it felt like years. Babies grow up so fast, and seeing my life through my daughter’s eyes was inspiring. She challenges me to think in simpler terms about almost everything we do together.

I would transfer this mindset to my personal objectives and find clarity of thought where there had once been hesitation and indecisiveness. These formative months helped define my creative goals in writing and art as I would narrow down my preferred area of focus in storyboarding and writing, identify gaps in knowledge, deal with my insecurities as a science writer [more on this in a future post], and ultimately put together a flexible and efficient timeline in a solo artist/writer program for 2023 [more on this in a future post]. The transition, as a whole, was rough but time helped sort everything out. 2022 would wrap up with a few more hiccups and medical scares on my daughter’s part (thankfully nothing too serious), but one by one, layer by layer, the biryani was well on its way to completion.

It is done.

2022 has been a year of many beginnings and endings. I came to terms with the passing of various heroes and role models of mine. In October, I received a notification of a massive slew of views for the blog, mostly focused on my post about the art of Kim-Jung Gi. I didn’t think too much about it back then, only to find out later in November, about his sudden passing. On the happier side of things, I would bid farewell to the illustrious career of one of my favorite sports idols, Roger Federer, whom I had followed since the early 2000s. To cap it off, the World Cup was a lot of fun, and it was awesome to see Messi lift the trophy!

So, when all was said and done, the biryani was a perfect blend of all the ingredients that we had put into it. Akin to a pot of emotions, it represented a 2022 that had everything in it. Having found my real calling at a personal and professional level, I am very confident about my goals for 2023 in what will be an amalgamation of writing projects including short stories, poetry, novels, and art projects, that I’m committed to delivering. With my graphic novel script in its conclusive stages, I’m looking at a breakthrough final draft ready by the end of January.

That leaves us with the last bits of garnish (this blog post) sprinkled onto our biryani (the year that was 2022), as we look forward to our New Year’s meal.

And, for those among my readers, who really want to make a biryani, here is a link to one of my favorite online recipes: Tamil Nadu-style Mutton Biryani.

With that being said, I wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 2023, here we come!

Things Fall Apart

No, I am not referring to Chinua Achebe’s debut novel (one of my favorite reads from high school). What I’m here to talk about is when plans go caput, like they did over the last two months since my last blog entry. The feature image of this post is a very good hint as to what may be responsible.

Before you proceed, beware, the Force (for all those Star Wars fans out there) is strong with this post.

A recurring theme of parenthood is the inability to exact on the plans and goals we set for ourselves. You may ask, “What happened? Where were you all these days?”

Put it simply, I became Obi-Wan Kenobi. Holed up in my office, I have spent the last two months reminiscing the glory days…

For almost 8 years, I was a happy man in an awesome relationship. There was peace and tranquility…before the dark times, before my Republic fell against the onslaught and ascendance of an empire led by a baby Darth Vader.

Unlike the actual Darth Vader, this baby Darth Vader is just so much more difficult to handle. Why? Because the chaos that ensues in her presence is accompanied by a forceful load of cuteness and all sorts of mushy feelings.

Nevertheless, our battles have been legendary. Collateral damage was inevitable. The state of my home speaks to that. The battles have taken their toll on my body as well and battle scars have been plenty with the most worrisome being a recurring shoulder injury that set me back from doing any writing or art for nearly a month. Recovery has been gradual but investing in an ergonomic office set up has made a big difference. The rings under my eyes are now a permanent addition to my battle-hardened persona, and with every passing day, I feel more like this guy,

Meanwhile, my partner hasn’t been faring so well either. Setting aside the reality of dealing with teething, baby vaccinations, and COVID scares, a potent combination that screwed up all the routines that I had set in place to assist the two of us, my wife has transformed into this guy (by her own admission),

Stress is a difficult opponent, and looking after a baby can sometimes be awful especially when your time is pretty much out of your hands and serves the whims of a little human being. Mixed emotions follow when you are uncertain if you are actually happy or extremely frustrated as everything that is orderly crumbles to dust.

So, as things fell apart, I realized that it was more important to give my wife as much support as I could (not to say that I haven’t thus far). I’m grateful that I was able to land a job that enabled me to work from home. I can’t say that I succeeded 100% when it comes to helping out. It has been a work in progress as we learn from one another and our individual mistakes but on the brighter side of things, it is an experience that has only deepened our relationship as partners and as parents to our lovely angel.

Treats have been the way to go to deal with the constant stress and any unhealthy weight gain is offset by having to run after our baby daughter. Despite all these difficulties, we have had a few occasions to celebrate. Most notably, my first purchase of a car. A Mazda, my very own Razor Crest, that will serve as our family transport as we explore the endless boundaries of the galaxy that unravels in the wake of our daughter’s growth.

Today, I feel very happy to get back on the block and write this post but I can’t be certain as to how “back” I actually am. Fingers crossed that things do settle down over the next few weeks so that I can hit my groove again. If not, that is alright as well, because nothing is more important than family…actually, scratch that, nothing is more important than you, baby Lord Vader.

Here’s to seeing you all again next week, with a new hope, and a new blog post to boot.

Dealing with Change – Redefining the present

Growing up in Madurai, India, I didn’t know much about the outside world beyond my hometown. When I was 10, my family moved to Egypt. We would spend five years there before moving to Sudan. Once I completed my secondary education in Sudan, I would depart to Canada for higher studies. Meanwhile, my family continued to travel around the world to Sierra Leone and UK, before finally returning to India.

The near-nomadic lifestyle my family adopted had its fair share of advantages and disadvantages. On one end, I obtained the best resources available for my education. Experiencing different cultures widened my perspective and helped in my personal growth as a young adult but it was also difficult when I had to confront cultural differences as I became exposed to multiple others.

On the other hand, moving from one place to another was not easy. For every hello, there was a goodbye. I did not like that. Suffice to say, completing my doctoral studies in Edmonton last year, the looming reality of a move to another city was not an exciting prospect.

Having lived in Edmonton for nearly twelve years, I did not want to leave. Newsflash! I had grown to dislike change. Some of my most cherished memories from university, like meeting my best friends and my wife, all happened in Edmonton. All of this made Edmonton, a second home of sorts. So moving, even if it were only three hours away to Calgary, was a difficult pill to swallow.

I wanted to resolve this issue and I found my solution in the most unexpected of sources: my baby daughter. She has the power to induce what I call an oxymoronic reality. In watching her grow and looking after her, she makes me feel that years have gone by when in reality no time has passed at all. Einstein’s relativity can take the backseat when it comes to her. In fact, daily life is a dynamic endeavor with her in the picture and change is the new normal.

Now they say that with age comes a reluctance towards change. Ironically, change is the defining theme to my daughter’s growth. It comes in a multitude of forms like separation anxiety, teething, learning to walk, etc. One way or another, I had to get used to it.

Weirdly enough, when push came to shove, I found myself willing to confront whatever my daughter had to throw at me head-on, without any uncertainty on my part and especially if it meant her happiness and comfort. It is in that spirit I realized, spending the last few months juggling between a one-man unpacking team and father, that change is not harmful. Rather, it helps maintain a healthy relationship between one’s past, present, and future.

Farewells and new beginnings will always be a part of this and I found comfort in knowing that whatever is lost to the past lives on in the present that I get to experience. My past made my present possible.

All this reflection brought me back to a quote/personal motto of mine back in high school, “Cherish the past, live the present, and happily anticipate the future.” Funnily enough, it is only now that I have realized the true meaning behind this statement. Better late than never!

Having now moved to Calgary, there is much to anticipate for the future, not to mention whatever new problem my baby daughter will throw at me and my wife tomorrow. In all of this, I take my misgivings in a positive light and focus on what is most important: the present, where I am now in pursuit of my dreams, growing alongside my baby daughter, and indulging in the changes that will be wonderful memories to cherish in the future.

Two months of surprises, new jobs, new city, and 2022!

The past two months had several surprises in store for me and my wife. It just had to start on a sour note with our baby daughter falling sick early November (right after my previous post).

Cue the domino effect and a month long hiatus from writing.

Much of November involved my wife and I taking our baby girl on multiple visits to the pediatrician. Thankfully, all is well now. We are back to the norm that is constitutive of our family life: trying to keep up with our baby girl who is “cruising” in her intent to explore the world. We are so happy that she made a full recovery. Growing up with our baby girl has been so much fun!

Despite the rough start, November concluded on a high note when I landed a full-time job as a science writer for LabX Media Group. Shortly afterward, my wife obtained an offer to pursue her doctoral studies at the University of Calgary. These developments left us rocking.

With 2022 just around the corner, December has been all the hustle and bustle. I had my onboarding process at LabX, my wife had her doctoral applications to complete, and together, we had our impending move to our new house in Calgary.

With all of this going on, writing and art had to take the backseat. Initially, this was frustrating as I had gotten tired of the whole on and off process. In retrospect, it all worked for the best.

After nearly 12 years in Edmonton, 2022 will be the start of a new chapter in my life in a completely different city (albeit, just 3 hours away from Edmonton). Much more on this in a future post!

Stepping back to see the bigger picture of my journey over all these years was important. Getting a full-time job has also been a huge relief and has provided fresh perspective and motivation for my future dreams and ambitions.

There is much I have to plan for and I can’t wait to get it all started. Big changes are pending for The Pensive Reverie and The Procrastinating Scientist in 2022. Not to mention, I am looking forward to our new house in Calgary, as I get to customize my own office space for art and writing.

Amidst the boxes currently piling up in our living room, and our impending move in two weeks, I will be away from the blog for a few more weeks. Fingers crossed, it will be a smooth transition during winter.

My time away has left a long list of prospective posts on standby, and there is so much I wish to share with all of you like the remodeling of the blog and its appearance, finishing my graphic novel and starting the concept art, and more!

For now, thank you so much for your patience and views on the blog, despite my time away!

Belated Christmas greetings to all and advance wishes on a Happy New Year!

Top 10 Things I Have Learned as a Rookie Dad from my Baby Daughter

Irrespective of the fact if you have a baby daughter or son, I’m sure rookie dads all around the world will find something in common to what my list has to offer.

I, for one, have learned much since my baby daughter arrived. These lessons have ranged from small pearls of wisdom to unexpected surprises. No matter the nature of my learning, the takeaway is the happiness I experience in its wake, in this moment, growing with my child and seeing the world through her eyes.

Let us get started.

1. Sleep is underrated.

This one is pretty obvious. I have had my fair share of late nights and the occasional all-nighter during my time at university. Going into this baby business, my confidence was right up there. I should be able to handle some late nights, right?

Yeah, not really. Never have I realized the value of sleep like I do now.

Not when these late nights become a regularity over several months. Never have I felt more tired! Squeezing in those power naps really became a priority so I could balance out with my wife on taking care of the little rebel.

What matters is that my baby girl gets her beauty sleep because a happy baby is better than a cranky one. It is a real power struggle.

2. There is a new boss in the house.

Power is a complicated thing. My wife and I got pretty good at this game. After having gone through various phases of our life together, we’ve learned to work as a team and function as a solid and cohesive unit. After all, team work is the best.

I think not.

That doesn’t really matter so much for our baby girl. In her opinion, you either take power or you don’t. She is the new boss of the house, and in being bossy, she makes us do all sorts of things, starting with absolutely nothing.

3. Doing absolutely nothing is awesome.

When you spend a good decade, jumping from one class to the next, doing assignments, prepping for exams, graduating from university, looking for jobs, and so on and so forth, you sometimes forget the value of just sitting down and doing absolutely nothing.

Sometimes, by doing absolutely nothing, you get a whole lot of something.

One of the best parts about being a dad for me is to look back at my day and realize I have accomplished practically nothing. That’s alright though, because that “nothing” is filled with doing everything I can to keep my baby girl happy and nothing is better than seeing her smile.

4. Inspiration is just around the corner.

As an aspiring writer and artist, spending time with my baby girl has become my greatest source of creativity and inspiration. Every day becomes an adventure!

I love the experience that is growing with my baby girl, and learning to see the world through her eyes.

Not only has it made me work harder toward my own dreams but it comes with additional benefits in kindling ideas for my stories and artwork. At this rate, my baby daughter will be a contributing author in my works. The main point is to be in the moment, and relish it.

5. Being in the moment.

As a dad, all of a sudden, there is so much to think about, from the then, the now, and the what comes after. It became quite stressful. But I’ve realized that with my baby girl, what matters is being in the moment.

Inner peace…

I have no idea what is going to happen in the future, and there is no point in worrying endlessly about it. I can learn from the mistakes I’ve made in the past but I cannot get overly critical of myself. What matters is the now, where there are so many precious moments to indulge in and relish.

And when the now gets to be too much, taking a break also comes in handy. Being in the moment helps with that too, and that has been a valuable lesson for a dad like me who often thinks too many things at the same time.

6. No need to go to the gym.

Having hit 30, for some reason, my brain must have sent memos to all my body parts stating that their warranty is over. Cue muscle spasms, shoulder aches, and all sorts of things that I have never had to deal with in my life. It was time to hit the gym again but with Covid-19 still going strong, I wasn’t too comfortable with that either.

Exercising and physical health is important when a baby is around.

Funnily enough, my baby girl has facilitated this: from regular walks in the neighborhood, and lots of action around the house from bicep/tricep curls, sit-ups, squatting, all of which can be done while entertaining my baby girl. No need for a gym membership. Exercising also keeps my mental health primed.

7. Thinking on your feet.

And that is important, because with my baby daughter I’ve learned the importance of thinking on my feet.

Expect the unexpected eh?

My baby girl is quite the explorer so what may hold her attention now may no longer interest her a few minutes later. This can get annoying, but that’s where patience comes in.

8. Patience is a virtue.

It truly is. Babies are fun but god they are also extremely difficult. I love my baby daughter, but every now and then my wife and I would feel overwhelmed with what she is throwing at us.

Patience really helped in seeing the bigger picture.

Its something I had to drill into my head because babies can be difficult in different ways every day.

Why? Because they are learning so much every single instance. If I can get overwhelmed just by having to do two or three activities at the same time, I cannot imagine the information input my baby daughter goes through everyday.

Plus, it really helped my wife. And on that note…

9. Moms are amazing.

Truly. Seeing what my wife does, night in and night out, I am at a loss for words at the pure energy (fueled by love, frustration, lots of fatigue, and just a relentless will) she displays in taking care of our baby girl.

When I expressed my amazement to my wife, her response was, “I know I’m awesome.”

Much respect for all the moms out there, especially during these tough times. It is in that amazement that I’m also driven as a dad to do my best, if not better, to not only make my baby girl happy but also my wife.

I’ve learned that I don’t have to think too hard about it. A small bucket of ice-cream, and tagging in with the baby girl, goes a long way.

10. Life, Love, and Laughter.

Which brings me to the greatest and best lesson of all.

Learning to take in life as it is, sharing all the love you have to offer, and laughing as much you can.

That really is the secret recipe. Both my wife and my baby daughter have taught me this and it has made my life all the better. Not to mention, it is extremely motivating in whatever I do and has made my experience as a dad all the more enjoyable.

And that’s it for my list. Now, seeing that it is my turn to tag in, I shall bid adieu to you my readers! I will be back with another post very soon!

This is the Way…

It has been an exhilarating summer. A sleepless one as well, especially over the last month, as my wife and I have swung from one all-nighter to another taking care of our lovely little baby daughter.

On a positive note, the experience has bestowed upon me the gift of patience. I put it to good use, facing a hectic schedule when I had to complete my doctoral defense (which was a success) while balancing my freelance gigs, and a healthy dose of job applications.

Opportunities have come accompanied with many customary rejections but I continue to hold my head high. It wouldn’t be any fun if it weren’t a challenge to get to my goals. On that note, science writing keeps on rolling as I churn out one script after another for WatchMojo Unveiled and PBS Spacetime so keep a lookout for The Procrastinating Scientist who will be visiting very soon.

Since completing my doctoral studies, my days have revolved around diaper session and playtime. Interestingly, spending time with my baby daughter has been a wholesome source of inspiration. Just as she has begun to settle into a sleep schedule, I have found an equal opportunity in making the jump to finish my graphic novel script.

It has been nearly six months since I touched the drafts. The extended break, I hope, will serve me well in providing new perspective as I compile the final version of the script. Supplementing this project is the fact that I have also registered for the Story Artist Mentorship program which promises to be one heck of a ride.

Last year’s Lightbox Expo was instrumental in helping me find inspiration toward a career in art and illustration. We are off to good start so far with my baby girl giving me the high-five on committing to a hellish schedule of writing and art work. Either way, she intends to act upon a 24/7 availability for my wife and myself, so why not use that time to get some work done as well.

Now that we are all caught up, I must now leave, as my little one seems to be chewing on something a lot more suspicious than the teether I left her with, while Mommy is taking a nap. I will be back very soon with a new post!

Turning 30 and all that comes with it!

The Big 3 & 0

A few weeks ago, I finally entered the big leagues, welcomed by a mini-pantheon of close friends who had beat me to the 30s. My wife, on the other hand, relished the moment as she is still in her 20s. For now, I’m letting her have the fun, though the countdown has begun for her remaining months before she joins the gang.

We conducted a small celebration at home, made all the more special by the presence of a lovely angel, my baby daughter, who incidentally also turned 3 months old. To top it all off, I finally got my FIRST EVER tasting of tiramisu cake!

And it was YUMMY!

It would later dawn on me that with my 30th birthday I had now spent a third (and a little more) of my life in Edmonton, having first landed in the city in 2009 for my undergraduate studies at the University of Alberta.

I would spend the night reminiscing upon my adventures since then, having accumulated 12 years worth of wonderful memories in this city. With a few more weeks to go until my doctoral defense, it certainly felt daunting that the years had flown by so fast. At the end of the day, I’m thankful to all the wonderful people I have come to meet over these years, and of course the enduring support of my wife, family, and friends!

Enduring a Heat Wave & Getting Vaccinated

Speaking of endurance, the first challenge of my 30th birthday would be a painful heat wave cooking most of Western Canada, for well over a week. My body adapted readily by recalling its prior memories living in the heat of Egypt and Sudan.

Unfortunately, the going would be tough on my wife and my baby daughter. What had once been the bliss of beautifully maintained sleep schedules and playtime hours would be overturned in a chaotic, sweaty, and tiring frenzy in keeping my two babies cool and safe.

Literally, the three of us for most of that week.

On a positive note, the occasion would demonstrate that we have a tough little girl in our daughter who would remain in great spirits despite how exhausted her parents were. The end of the heat wave would coincide with us successfully registering and obtaining our second dose of Covid vaccinations, getting us one step closer to being fully vaccinated.

Beware the Strong Baby

While I initially commended my body for adapting extremely well to the heat, the sudden plummeting and normalization of temperatures would be too much for my now 30 year old body, causing me to fall sick.

This would be further aggravated by a jaw injury imparted to me as a gift by the “gentle” fists of my baby daughter. In what had been a playful habit where I would I allowed her to punch my face, the repeated strikes upon my jaw, pronounced by her new-found strength (thanks to her weight gain) weight would inflame my jaw.

The amusing part of it all being that she absolutely enjoyed punching the crap out of my jaw!
Reality of life

All of which brings me to where I am now, after a week of painkillers and jaw exercises, nearly ready to jump off and fly away from the proverbial tree that is university, with my thesis defense looming in the horizon.

Setting aside studies, I spend my days joyfully alternating between my new responsibilities as a father, while maintaining a constant spam of resumes that I email out to relevant job opportunities. So far, I haven’t had much success, but hey, a journey ain’t no fun without any challenges.

All the while, I strive to persevere and keep moving forward. while preserving my inner peace as per the words of the great master himself,