Turning 3, and 28

On June 28, 2019, I turned 28 years of age, and The Pensive Reverie completed its online journey of three years with 83 posts, and a sum total of 105 followers. A lot has happened over the last three years, but first I would like to give a big shout-out to my followers and fellow bloggers who have been supportive to the blog’s growth. Thank you very much!

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Looking back to the night of June 27, 2016 when I published my first post in “Introducing Me, and the Pensive Reverie!” I had made a humble goal to reach at least 100 followers on the blog. Three years have flown since then, and having achieved this goal, I’m now even more motivated to further expand and build this blog, not to mention update my personal profile and status! That first blog post began with the question, “Who am I?” Three years down the road, I can now confidently ask myself a different question (one that builds on its predecessor), “Who do I intend to become?”

My name is Ajay Peter Manuel. I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, my home. I hail from Madurai, Tamil Nadu, India. As a teenager, I traveled around the world with my family. I would complete my elementary education at Cairo, Egypt, followed by my secondary studies at Khartoum, Sudan. I was around 19 years old when I first set foot in Edmonton to begin my higher studies at the University of Alberta. Following the completion of my undergraduate studies in Astrophysics, I would self-publish my autobiography, Our Last Summer: A Personal Memoir, in the summer of 2013With the book’s publication I would acknowledge an annoyingly persistent identity crisis, and in the years that followed, with the help of my loved ones and friends, overcome the greatest obstacle in my life: myself.

Having learned the price of freedom and individuality, I embraced the mistakes and regrets of my past, learned to live my present, and to happily look towards the future without fear and hesitation.  caption

This journey would culminate in the publication of a second book in A Little Bit of Everything, a treasure trove of memories involving the friends and family who had helped me along my journey, and most importantly my partner and soulmate. Back then, I wished to become an individual who “integrated his various passions in education, innovation, writing, art, music, science, critical thinking, accompanied with an endless appetite for life” and I continue to work hard on that front.

I’m happy to say that I have found my true-calling in becoming a writer and an artist. As I currently pursue a doctoral degree, I intend to further hone my skills on both these fronts, so that I may one day reach my penultimate goal of “sun-lighting” as a prominent science writer, and “moon-lighting” as a writer/comic book artist and animator. My dreams remain as far-fetched as they usually have been, but I can’t deny that as an individual my journey with The Pensive Reverie has motivated me to meet these challenges head-on, and with confidence.

Settling into the fourth year of this blog, I intend to stick to its original message in sharing my life’s adventures, hobbies, and interests. For all incoming and future visitors, I welcome you to read and engage with me on the posts I have written thus far, and hope that you enjoy them. For my current friends and followers, thank you very much once again for your support!

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Writing with a brick in my head

Writing with a brick in my head or taking a long walk down Stumped avenue, call it what you may, writer’s block is ultimately a frustrating experience. Supplement it with a dash of stubbornness, a pinch of OCD, and you have the annoyingly difficult jigsaw puzzle that was my writing process over the last week and a half.

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July will mark a year since I began writing the first draft of a script for my comic book and currently active writing project. There still remains a mountain of obstacles to climb considering the drawing portions that I have yet to begin. For the most part, I was thankful that compared to my earlier autobiographical efforts in Our Last Summer and A Little Bit of Everything, my pacing and writing were hitting the right chord.

At first, I attributed this to a different writing approach, revolving around heavy sessions of brainstorming and research, followed by focused writing.

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This was the complete opposite to the free writing that propelled my earlier projects.

I felt the change was all the more necessary and obvious as this comic book script was my initiation in writing a third-person narrative. On the outset, there were promising signs that I would scrape through this project without a detour down Block canyon, and that’s where I jinxed it. Dark clouds loomed along the horizon, and soon enough I was tumbling downwards in what seemed to be an endless spiral of frustration in my existential struggle to piece together the crux and climactic portion of the story.

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It cannot be…How could I have let this happen? 

As usual, I fell prey to something that I had repeatedly advised myself to avoid: to let my ideas and thoughts, and not my research, shape the story. As integral as it had been for me to do extensive research on the fantasy elements I wished to include in my story, I had failed to keep up with my resolution in only allowing my creativity to guide my writing, and be inspired from what I learned from external references. Writing in the fantasy genre is an amazing experience, especially when there is so much material out there that just captivates one’s imagination. Somewhere along the way, I had lost the plot, and had allowed my research to limit rather than enhance my writing.

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A stern beat down from my in-house editor and partner woke me up and made me realize the solution was staring me right in the face. 

What did I learn? Writer’s block is not fun. But, stressing about it ain’t going to help either. What matters is that one is willing to take a step back, to gain perspective, before stepping forward again. While this may be counter-intuitive, and for my fellow stubborn writers out there who like me (initially) may believe it an ostensible wasting of one’s time, it is very important to take a step back and approach your writing as though you were an impartial audience member. 

Just as in science, where complicated problems often exercise a simple and elegant solution, the same could be said of writing. This is a familiar piece of advice for those entrenched in figure drawing where instructors often grill the student to take a step back and look at their work in progress to gain perspective and incentive in proceeding forward. The same applies for the mind as well, all I had to do was step back, take it easy, and, as Major Armstrong would likely agree,

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 Revel in the the truth and justice that is your sparkling freedom in writing. 

 

 

Chasing the memories of tomorrow

Setting aside the residual dream,
I welcome the gentle warmth of the sun,
Stirring, as I do,
Upon a waking dawn,
Undulating in its silent progress across the cosmic stream.

Breathing in the silence that stills my surroundings,
I relish the isolation of my existence,
In a moment that steals me away from the present,
My eyes, seeking beyond time,
Toward that distant horizon, where the future beckons.

Stepping forward onto the light,
I begin my journey,
Disposing my fears,
And following my heart’s desires,
In a wish to live free.

Shaking the uncertainties,
That question where the road ends,
I take comfort,
In the new beginnings,
That appear around every bend.

Gaining strength in every step of the way,
My shadow grows longer in the face of the rising sun,
Coalescing with others that appear,
From all walks of life, and spurring me forward,
As I begin to run.

Knowing that time waits for no one,
From the past, I borrow,
The happiness with which I may look back,
At what lies ahead,
Chasing the memories of tomorrow…

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Return of the Lost Blogger

If I were to wait a few more months, I could cap my absence to one complete year since my last update. Incidentally, the subject of that last post also sets the stage for discussion on the progress I’ve made thus far. I left describing the steep learning curve that accompanied my aspirations to become a writer/comic book artist. A year down the road, those same aspirations are now ambitions that I’ve decided to fully commit towards.

Setting aside the myriad happy developments in my personal life, I struggled to consistently keep up with my writing and my art-work. While this was initially frustrating, it turned out to be a gift in disguise. My lack of consistency was largely due to the hectic schedule of my doctoral studies. Rather than spreading myself thin, I decided to focus on my immediate concerns while taking it easy on myself (which being as stubborn and obsessed as I can be about my goals, it took some time getting used to).

Those immediate concerns culminated, just a few weeks ago, in a closed-room event involving a three hour session of what was my PhD candidacy exam. I’m glad to say that I was able to pass what was ultimately a challenging but wonderful learning experience. Having completed what is often perceived as the greatest obstacle in doctoral studies (aside from the final defense itself), I can now look towards a clear-cut, and focused journey in scientific research over the few years before the final defense.

But, this journey is not all about science. While I was busy preparing for the candidacy exam, I took every opportunity available to build on my thoughts and set the foundations for my art and writing aspirations. Funnily enough, stepping away from my writing and art work helped me discover what I was missing and the skills I required moving forward.

That being said, I have continued to slowly develop the script for my graphic novel. Although the story is fully developed in my mind, a few more months may be required before I complete the first draft of the script. In what will ultimately be a long-term project, I intend to transform the script into art and a full-fledged graphic novel. These efforts will also accompany the development of a new writing project involving a story of the political genre that has been in the workings for more than a year.

Much of this is just the beginning of what will be the first step towards my determined pursuit of a career in writing, and possibly one day, in animation. Having found a common love in writing stories and communicating scientific knowledge, I’ve decided that the Pensive Reverie will remain an outlet where I can share my daily adventures in the artistic landscape. Additionally, I will be starting a new blog that will be more focused towards discussing topics rooted in science and research in an effort to support what may become my future day job as a science writer (at least until I’m able to establish a foothold on my artistic aspirations).

This is all I have for today, but I will return very soon with a new post!

So What’s Next?

In my latest post, I discussed what exactly makes my imagination click.I thought it would be most appropriate to now carry forward the discussion to where my imagination takes me next, at least in the current scheme of things.

Ever since I started my PhD back in September 2017, my focus has largely been towards completing my course requirements for my degree. This has taken a predominant amount of my time, barring me from any measure of progress in my personal writing goals. Now, with the academic year having come to an end, I look forward to a summer extravaganza of writing and a revival of my previously planned projects.

The prior summer I had published my second work in A Little Bit Of Everything, a spiritual successor to my first work, Our Last Summer.

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Both books shared a similar origin in that the foundation of their plots were largely based on my life experiences. Having written the two books, I felt a great measure of happiness in coming to terms with various significant events that had occurred in my life over the span of the last few years.

Closing the page on my personal experiences, I wished to set the stage for my next writing challenge in a series of projects I had envisioned covering the genres of fantasy, science fiction, and politics etc. Intermixed with my new passion to write comics, I’ve spent the last year gradually aggregating ideas on the plots for two different books I intend to write over the course of this summer, and possibly well into next year.

One of these books will be a comic while the other will be a novel, with both being relatively unfamiliar grounds to tread upon. Having taken an extensive course in figure anatomy, I have only just begun my journey in becoming an artist. It is a difficult path, most recognizable in the horrible doodles I have had to endure with far whenever I put my pencil to paper. On a similar note, I have never written a novel, and in the case of the one that I have in store, my goal is to get it published at a traditional publishing house unlike my self-publishing efforts so far.

As I have done earlier, I hope to share my progress on this new journey, amidst my other weekly posts,with everyone on this blog. Tomorrow will be Day 1, and hopefully in a year from now, I will be close to, if not, accomplished my goals with regards to these two books. Let’s see what the year brings!

With that being said, I look forward to entertaining everyone the following weekend with a new post. Until then, toodles!

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What Makes My Imagination Click?

Just about anything to everything, and trust me, that speaks volumes.

In fact, my imagination is largely reflective of my approach to writing, which in the works I have published in Our Last Summer and A Little Bit Of Everything, can be described as an internalization of the reality that is my daily life. This process of internalization has paved the way for the construction of a landscape of epic proportions filled with a randomized but continuous menagerie and flux of thoughts and ideas that I frequently document in my journal. As such, more so than often, when I begin a new story, I would tend to look back to notes and inspirations I had garnered years earlier.

Moving forward from there, it would be a game of connecting the dots,

intermixed with the logical intricacies of how to put together a good story, and how well I emotionally synchronized with the characters and the worlds I wished to portray. Not surprisingly, the completion of said stories would leave me in an almost melancholic stupor stemming from my inability to accept the ending of the very realities I had created.

In that vein, I could say that I exercise my imagination at an almost constant basis through an assortment of activities from:

Transient visions drawing my interest on anything that randomly strikes my mind on an occasion where I may be bored as heck (particularly during university lectures).

Vivid dreams that would lead me out of bed and to the solitude of my desk on those frequent late nights where I would flesh out the details of my thoughts.

Inspirational knowledge from what I read in books, to what I watch on TV including anime, movies, the news, and of course, the internet, and at times even my own research. Speaking about books, it helps to live a block away from the Edmonton Public Library and Chapters bookstore, not to mention, a bunch of other outlets such as Wee Book Inn, making it all the more perfect to maintain my thirst for reading.

Must…Read…Everything….

And last, but not least,

Personal introspection, which is almost like a favorite pastime of mine.

Bat-Mode on…Time to introspect on my decisions and choices.

This could be the sweet stock of my imagination, as a large part of it is infused with the inspiration I find in relating to my daily experiences, from everything including friendship, family, love, and life as it is. Consequently, a crucial element of my writing is to translate the complex intricacies of emotions and feelings I experience in confronting the realities I face or learn from in my daily life, perfectly summarizing the internalization I mentioned earlier.

And that’s pretty much all there is to it.

Though it may seem that all I have said thus far may be geared towards writing, I’ve recognized their greater application in my recent foray into art and comics. I could even go so far as to say that it is my own way of life, and one that I find personally fulfilling as it offers me the sweet reminder in not missing out on the beautiful opportunities that lie around every corner, waiting to tickle my imagination.

All the same, it also provides me the inspiration to follow up on the things that I love most, and in a way, bring the desires and wishes I express in my writing to become the reality I live and seek…

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It’s always nice to take a step back and just immerse yourself in what is around you…

Braving The Storm

It has been a while since my last post. I have been busy all the while braving the storm that has been my PhD studies. While I’m only three months into my new degree (and a good 3.75 years remain until its completion), not surprisingly enough, I’m swamped with work. Thankfully, it is the enjoyable kind that comes with a research topic of my liking.

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Nevertheless, it has been slightly frustrating that I haven’t had the chance to post as frequently as I would have wished on the blog. 

But, the prodigal has now returned, and he does hope that he would be able to keep up with his blog posts as he deems it to be in the coming weeks. The brief respite that Halloween offered came with a sweet dose of playfulness as I carried out my annual responsibility in scaring the shit out of my girlfriend…

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And deservedly getting my ass handed to me afterward. 

Winter is most certainly here as well, the first snowfall caressing Edmonton in what began as a slush soup of snow rain that alerted me of its presence most distinctly through the water that slipped through the newly discovered gaping hole in my shoe. With only a few more weeks to go before classes end for the semester, and the age of final exams to come, I hope to put up a good number of posts that I have kept waiting for too long.

I will begin with keeping my word on the anecdote I wished to write on meteor showers. The Orionid showers occurred just a few weeks ago, and I’m looking forward to the Geminid showers which will hit in December. Apart from this, I will soon be pulling my book, A Little Bit Of Everything, out of Amazon KDP Select so that I may distribute it through other e-book publisher chains online. The book remains available on Amazon, and hopefully the redistribution will allow for further promotions in the future.

Having closed a chapter of my life with the completion of the book, I’m also working hard on setting the stage for a trifecta of stories that I’m hoping to work on over the next few years. Two of these stories will take the form of comics, for which I have been diligently taking art classes on human anatomy, while the last will be a novel, which remains in the back-burner of ideas, and a whole load of brainstorming.

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It is pretty much a blank slate for now, but the emptiness of it evokes the certainty of greater ideas and explosive creativity.

So, for now, I leave you all with this short update as I busy myself with another late night of catching up on my art practice and contemplation on my stories. I hope to have another post up by the end of this week! Until then, toodles!

Being an Indie Writer!

Though it feels like a decade ago, it was only last year, around this point in time, when I had the opportunity to participate in Indie Author Day hosted by the Edmonton Public Library. Never did it occur to me then, that a year down the road, I would have published my second book.

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Indie writers who choose the path of self-publishing often have their work cut out for them with a slew of responsibilities ranging from editing and proofreading as well as marketing their finished product. There are of course a variety of reputed services (ranging from cheap to quite expensive) to assist authors with this, but it largely rests upon the individual’s efforts and motivation to get the book out to their readers.

Attending events such as Indie Author Day, not to mention, scouring through vast resources online I have also had the chance to engage with my fellow indie authors. My own experiences with self-publishing began with Our Last Summer: A Personal Memoir. Purchasing a book publishing plan, I was provided with professional proofreading and marketing services that helped in getting my first book out to the world. While the venture was quite expensive (one that I wish I could have averted), the experience was akin to a trial through fire, allowing me to learn from my mistakes and get a clearer picture of the enormously complex industry of book publication, and marketing. Moving on, I decided to publish my second book through Amazon, being a little more observant of my budget and goals this time around.

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It is a never-ending but largely satisfactory struggle to be an Indie writer.

Though my books haven’t necessarily been successful in their own right, I can’t deny that I’m still happy with the end result. As a writer, one has to believe in their work, and take pleasure in the art of eliciting one’s thoughts, emotions, and imagination to their intended audience. My goals with the two books I have published so far have largely been to satisfy and pay tribute to particular events in my life. Altogether, Our Last Summer: A Personal Memoir and A Little Bit Of Everything represent my journey over the last 15 years of my life, reaching back to my adventures in high school, all the way to where I am now.

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For so long, I have looked back upon the memories of our last summer, cherishing them, and holding them close, afraid to let go…Now, riding along the winds of a greater adventure, filled with a little bit of everything I’ve always longed for in my life, I wish to move forward toward that endless horizon spanning a brighter future.

In the end, the peace and happiness I found in writing about my life, my friends, my love, and my family are representative of what I take away from my experiences in self-publishing. Of course, I don’t deny the obvious difficulties and complications that followed in publishing and marketing my books. It is A LOT of work, and while self-publishing may grant a certain level of flexibility within every phase of publication (from budgeting to choosing selective services in marketing and proofreading etc.) it IS largely an independent and never-ending effort (one must be persistent in promoting their work even after publication).

Moving forward, I hope to explore other outlets of publishing. For a change, I have decided to go the traditional path. It is never too late to begin researching, and as I spend the next few months brainstorming my novella, I also intend to obtain the necessary resources required to eventually get me across the finish line (once I set foot on the final lap). Does this mean I’m no longer an Indie writer? Nope. To me, being an indie author is a matter of self-definition, an approach that defers to every individual writer in their approach towards writing and publishing their work. I have always identified myself as the creative director of my books, from concept to completion and beyond. The decision to vie for traditional publishing is nothing more than another opportunity to exercise my knowledge in the writing industry, and establish partnerships that may facilitate my spirit and creativity as an indie-writer while collaborating with other publishing professionals in producing a good book for my readers.

My takeaway message to my fellow Indie authors and aspiring writers would be that one should never not lose sight of their true objectives. For me, the writing always comes first. My goals with Our Last Summer: A Personal Memoir and A Little Bit Of Everything was largely to share my personal experiences with my family and friends as well as mature in my own right as an individual and identify with my true passion in life, writing. In that measure, I have certainly been very successful. As of now, I’m setting my sights on a trifecta of writing projects. Two of said projects will  assist in establishing my humble beginnings as a mangaka, while the third will  hopefully become my breakout novel in the world of writing. Though my goals may be far-fetched on the outset, it is necessary to have a certain degree of aspiration (and a big dreamy heart) to succeed as a writer, and that is just what I’m going to do!

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A part of me always knew that I wanted to be a writer, even though it took me long enough to actually admit it. While I have no clue as to how my dreams will fully manifest, I delight in the mystery of not knowing, as it has only made my experiences so far all the more adventures and awesome. Now, having said all of this, it is time for me to set off on my journey, across this sea of dreams!

Bogged Down With Formatting…

It is a necessary step, but formatting is possibly the most irksome part of publishing a book. That’s pretty much where I’ve been in the last two weeks, wading through a murky swamp of page breaks, indentations, paragraph spacings, margins etc. Having completed the illustrations, along with the cover art for my book, I spent an entire week polishing said images to fit the prerequisite conditions for publication.

As of now I’m alighting upon the final few steps before clicking on that beautiful button “Publish” on my screen. I’m hoping to have the book out by next week, and prior to release, I will provide full details on the work (along with promotions), including where it will be available, and how you, my wonderful readers can get your hands on it. Following the publication, I intend to continue promoting the book on the blog, while getting back to the posts I had planned earlier.

I thank everyone for being patient, and I look forward to sharing my work with you very soon!! Have a great weekend!!

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Let’s get the ball rolling!

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to provide a general update, before putting up my review on Chapter 1 of Carl Sagan’s The Dragons of Eden.

I know it has been a long wait, and I apologize for the delay, but I’ve experienced quite a productive, and intense week. I was finally able to complete the content editing required on Agent X, and now have a first draft of the book. I hope to pursue further editing in the future before proceeding towards any plans to publication.

I had hoped for a wonderful beginning to 2017, and on the heels of this personal achievement, I can say my confidence is at an all-time high. Having just also traveled back to visit my family in India, I’m currently recovering from jet lag. Nevertheless, the wait is now over, and it is now time for me to get the ball rolling on my plans for the blog, but before that, I’d like to thank you all for your patience!!

Now, let’s do this!