Passing Clouds – Confronting Setbacks

“You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

I have been away for the past year. I was lost. I still am to a certain degree, but I don’t want to admit it. Writing this, I guess, is an acceptance of sorts.

I have faced several setbacks in my life, but I have never let them break my spirit. It is far more challenging to do the same when that setback not only affects you but also your loved ones.

Life is strange. One minute, you have everything you have always wanted. Next, you seemingly lose it all. In my case, I was laid off, and with that, a whole lot of other things just fell into disarray.

The past year has been about coming to terms with the reality of an unpredictable future. Nothing that I haven’t confronted before, but it hurt a lot more knowing that my setback would also affect my family.

There is a certain levity with which you can live your life when you are alone, assuming you are in the right headspace. For some, this is not fun. After all, who likes being alone?

I was alone for a long time, and that journey involved a significant amount of soul-searching until I met my wife. With her by my side, I found a reassuring certainty, and nothing seemed impossible. Now, we are a family, and as a result, my responsibilities have grown. There is now a little one to look after; someone who makes my day brighter, no matter what happens.

Getting laid off was a crushing experience and quite unexpected. It put a wrench in my career aspirations. No one was to blame, and when the news hit, all I could think about was how to move forward.

Children wear their emotions on their sleeves. They do not hesitate to express their feelings vocally, either by shouting, screaming, or crying. Adults, on the other hand, are a complicated mess. I’m the type who restrains their emotions, holding them all in like an overinflated balloon. I do not know why, but it has something to do with being strong.

Being laid off was different. It wasn’t about restraint. There was simply no time to reconcile with my emotions. At one end was my wife, suffering from post-partum depression, and on the other was my loving daughter, who, like all kids do, sought 24/7 attention.

I had to be strong for them. So, I dove back into the hectic world of an unemployed individual seeking jobs. The world has not been too kind to those in the same boat as myself.

It has been tiring.

But this morning, I woke up to the sound of my daughter’s voice as she said, “Appa, good morning! Happy Father’s Day!” She held a gift bag in her hands, and within, were an assortment of crafts she had made for me.

That is when it struck me. I had been waiting so long to find the time and space to confront my deep-seated frustrations, anger, and disappointment; to somehow overcome my nagging insecurities. However, in that moment, as I experienced the happiness surrounding me, I realized I had already moved past my insecurities, thanks to the two individuals sitting across from me.

Dreams are like passing clouds. They are never set in stone. They mutate and transform. When I started this blog in 2016, I dreamt of a career in scientific research. I faced setbacks. I rued not being given a chance to prove myself. I fell down and I got back up. What matters most to me now is a life where I can keep my loved ones happy. That means sharing my highest AND lowest moments with them. Writing allows me to achieve this when I’m unable to speak for myself.

It is now time to go back to the drawing board. A fresh start is no different than staring at a blank piece of paper. The emptiness is daunting but also invites adventure and opportunity. I only have to take a step forward.

Biryani – Recapping 2022

End of the year = recap time! It is an opportunity to look back at what I have accomplished and give myself a pat on the back. More often than not though, these recaps feature an expansive list of incomplete goals that I carry into the new year. 2022 is no different.

My last update in July celebrated the life of a childhood hero of mine, Takahashi-sensei, following his tragic passing. Moving on from there, everything seemed perfectly set in place to finish the second half of 2022 with a bang, but as always, life had plans of its own.

Now what does any of this have to do with biryani, the popular mixed meat and rice dish from the Indian subcontinent? Trust me, we are getting there. When it comes to Indian food, I particularly love biryani. Call me a “biryaniac”, if that is even a word, and much like all the ingredients and effort that goes into making a tasty biryani, my experience of 2022 was pretty much the same. Disclaimer: this is not an actual recipe.

We start by marinating the meat.

2022 began with an end. My wife and I left the frigid streets of Edmonton and moved to the Chinook-y plains of Calgary. Setting aside the initial melancholy of departing our 20s home in Edmonton, my wife and I grew to love what we found in Calgary. Settling into our new townhouse was a work of six months. Getting into the groove of being a full-time father, a lot more.

But, the longer the marination, the better it is.

Every moment with my baby daughter is a precious gift. From the swift punches to the sloppy kisses, she has taken me on the wildest ride of my life, one that continues to this day. My new career as a science writer was practically the cherry on top. The opportunity to work from home meant I could remain a constant presence in my her daily life while I continued working toward my professional goals.

With all the preparatory materials at hand, we move forward to get the spice paste, vegetables, and rice ready for our biryani.

Rolling into summer, we ground the spices and chopped the vegetables, categorically organizing our plans for the second half of 2022, and soaked the rice (in water) in anticipation of a family reunion. After nearly three years into the pandemic, we finally got to see our families again over the summer. The purchase of my first car would make the deal all the sweeter and much of the time between June to August would be spent on road trips visiting nearby destinations and relatives. I would also celebrate 31 years of traveling around the sun. Covid remained a worry and we would do our best to be vigilant and keep our activities to minimalistic affairs. Still, despite all our efforts, we would all fall sick with Covid by the end of summer, after having avoided it for nearly two years.

Temper and sauté time.

Covid brought everything to a halt. It was a frustrating experience. We were especially worried sick about our daughter. Post the sauté, came the cooking of the meat and the rice. And cook we did, feverishly so for a few weeks. We recovered in due time but the damage was done and our initial momentum stifled. In what was to follow, we couldn’t catch a break as it was soon assembly time.

Biryani, assemble.

From the pan and into the fire, layer by layer, we had to assemble our biryani, and that was when I took a step back from social media altogether. Each layer had its share of mixed ingredients. Dipping into the fall season, the first layer involved my immersion as a full-time father while my wife began her doctoral studies. It was a “relativistic” experience. Little time passed by and yet it felt like years. Babies grow up so fast, and seeing my life through my daughter’s eyes was inspiring. She challenges me to think in simpler terms about almost everything we do together.

I would transfer this mindset to my personal objectives and find clarity of thought where there had once been hesitation and indecisiveness. These formative months helped define my creative goals in writing and art as I would narrow down my preferred area of focus in storyboarding and writing, identify gaps in knowledge, deal with my insecurities as a science writer [more on this in a future post], and ultimately put together a flexible and efficient timeline in a solo artist/writer program for 2023 [more on this in a future post]. The transition, as a whole, was rough but time helped sort everything out. 2022 would wrap up with a few more hiccups and medical scares on my daughter’s part (thankfully nothing too serious), but one by one, layer by layer, the biryani was well on its way to completion.

It is done.

2022 has been a year of many beginnings and endings. I came to terms with the passing of various heroes and role models of mine. In October, I received a notification of a massive slew of views for the blog, mostly focused on my post about the art of Kim-Jung Gi. I didn’t think too much about it back then, only to find out later in November, about his sudden passing. On the happier side of things, I would bid farewell to the illustrious career of one of my favorite sports idols, Roger Federer, whom I had followed since the early 2000s. To cap it off, the World Cup was a lot of fun, and it was awesome to see Messi lift the trophy!

So, when all was said and done, the biryani was a perfect blend of all the ingredients that we had put into it. Akin to a pot of emotions, it represented a 2022 that had everything in it. Having found my real calling at a personal and professional level, I am very confident about my goals for 2023 in what will be an amalgamation of writing projects including short stories, poetry, novels, and art projects, that I’m committed to delivering. With my graphic novel script in its conclusive stages, I’m looking at a breakthrough final draft ready by the end of January.

That leaves us with the last bits of garnish (this blog post) sprinkled onto our biryani (the year that was 2022), as we look forward to our New Year’s meal.

And, for those among my readers, who really want to make a biryani, here is a link to one of my favorite online recipes: Tamil Nadu-style Mutton Biryani.

With that being said, I wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 2023, here we come!

A Fresh Start in 2022 – Updates and Changes to the blog!

Belated New Year Greetings to all my readers!

It took a while but I finally have my own office up and running in my new home in Calgary! Along with the new home and the new year comes a fresh start for The Pensive Reverie.

The tail end of 2021 saw me take a considerate break from writing of any form. Starting a new job, being a father, finding a new home, etc. meant I needed to step away for a while. In retrospect, this turned out to be for the best. It provided me fresh perspective on how I wish to develop this blog in the long run.

The Pensive Reverie lacked a definitive theme. The blog’s original tagline, when it started back in 2016, read,

A journey through the occasional thoughts of a free spirit…

Back then, I had just completed my MSc. degree and my thoughts were, for the most part,

Scattered…

Six years down the road, I have found my calling.  Looking back at all the posts, the answer was always there. Writing is my passion and I’m fortunate, during these rough times, to have found employment in an environment that idealizes this passion.

I now spend my day as a science writer. After my day job, my evenings revolve around my efforts toward becoming a full-time author and artist while spending time with my family.

I want The Pensive Reverie to be a direct reflection of the same. While I haven’t made too many changes to the overall appearance of the blog, there were a few tweaks and updates that were facilitated behind the scenes.

Here are the changes:

(1) I will no longer share my posts on The Procrastinating Scientist, my science blog, here at The Pensive Reverie as I wish to keep the two blogs isolated.

(2) My weekly posts will now solely focus on the following topics:

  • My adventures in life as a father, writer, and just another guy stumbling along towards his dreams (Slice of Life),
  • My journey to become an artist where I will share my artwork (Art Corner),
  • Fun reviews on things I love: books, games, movies, anime, etc. (Locke’s reviews)

(3) There will also be a new category of content called 100-word stories, where I will write short stories based on random and inspiring pictures I find online.

My published works will remain accessible as always. The social links on the sidebar will now direct you to the blog’s Twitter feed and Facebook group.

I have also added the Instagram link to my art, a venue where I hope to build my portfolio.

With big plans for the future, I intend to continue engaging with all of you in earnest over the many years to come, here at The Pensive Reverie where I will be,

Writing my journey one thought at a time…

It’s the new tagline.

I will see you all again this weekend with a fresh new post, as we play catch up from 2021, starting with “Celebrating Hindu Festivals.”

Just a friendly update passing by…

Hi everyone, just a friendly update. Over the last few months, I have been doing my best to routinely post articles on The Procrastinating Scientist alongside my continuing efforts to build a portfolio for science writing.

Whatever new post I made there, I would also share it here at The Pensive Reverie. Thanks to finding freelance stints with WatchMojo and PBS, my output of science articles has gradually begun to increase and the lineup of posts I have planned continues to grow.

As such, I felt that it would be best that I now begin to solely present these science posts on The Procrastinating Scientist alone, so that I may also maintain the theme of The Pensive Reverie where I wish to discuss my daily adventures as opposed to frequently reposting posts from the former.

I will keep up a link to The Procrastinating Scientist for any of my readers who enjoyed keeping up with the science posts. In the meantime, I will be back this weekend with my next on,

Living the DBZ Life!

See you all on Sunday!

First Steps as a Science Writer

Hi everyone, it has been a while (there is a bigger story to this, which I will get to in my next post)!

Back in February, I published a post Getting Started in Science Writing where I discussed my efforts toward a career as a science writer. Since then, I have made decent progress, and had the gracious luck of finding a few opportunities to flex my science writing skills.

Today marked my first, very teeny-tiny step towards my goals as a science writer with my ComSciCon-CanWest submission being posted on their blog. The subject matter covers my own doctoral research: Mimicking photosynthesis in nature using metal nanoparticles.

The article is written in a manner that everyone can read it, regardless of their academic background. Hope you all get a chance to swing by and check in on the post and find out what I’ve been slogging on over the last four years of my life!

After a long and meaningful break, I will be back very soon this weekend. We have so much to catch up on!

2021 – Turning the page on 2020

Firstly, belated Happy New Year greetings to all my readers!!!

#one piece from •Anime is my World•

Shortly after my previous post at the end of November, I embarked on a PC building mission that I had been planning for nearly a year. After eight years of usage, my lovely laptop (a Lenovo G505s) deserved a break. It was also time that I switched gears to a PC to accommodate my personal aspirations in digital art and writing. The occasional gaming came as a bonus.

Being a complete amateur to building a PC, I spent much of November reading up on the parts required to build a system while planning my budget for the subsequent purchases. Though it seemed intimidating in the beginning, once the individual parts began to arrive, I couldn’t help but feel excited.

As Edmonton edged toward another Covid-19 lockdown mid-December, I bundled up all the parts onto my office space in my apartment and began building the PC. I was determined to finish the process over the course of a day, and I was mighty proud that I was able to. Reading up on the process as well as watching multiple Youtube videos of others’ mistakes beforehand really made a world of a difference.

I would succeed in completing the build by the afternoon and following a nerve wracking few minutes while turning on the power supply, I was elated to find that my efforts paid off in a fully functioning PC that is now geared with my favorite games, and digital art software.

livememe.com - Success Kid

Unfortunately, thanks to a sensitive nose and a sudden drop in temperatures the same day, I would end up falling sick the following day. It wouldn’t be until late December that my circadian rhythm would right itself amid the change in weather, setting me off on my path to recovery, and finally being able to use my PC.

Over the last week, I’ve enjoyed the near silent workspace environment of my PC amidst some much-needed gaming and writing to cap off 2020. The next four months will be important as I round up my doctoral studies, and even more importantly, as my wife and I expect the newest member of our family.  

2020 has been a tough year for many around the world. I’m thankful to the enduring support of my friends and family who have been so positive through it all. I’m also thankful to my loving wife who has been my strength and inspiration throughout this period. Stepping foot into 2021, I can’t wait to embark on a new journey with you and our little one. As a father-to-be, I intend to put to good use the sleepless nights that are to follow working on the final and most grueling phase of my graphic novel: drawing it all out. I also look forward to fully committing to a career in writing and animation following the completion of my doctoral studies.

As opposed to what may have been a very static 2020, I hope and wish 2021 will be a year of promising, and exciting transitions for everyone. I look forward to seeing you all in my follow up post where I shall detail my PC building process for those who are interested in building your very own PC from scratch.

Staying Afloat

The last few months have been positively engaging amid a busy schedule of activities from career networking, science writing conferences, symposiums, script writing, and a whole lot of research related to my PhD.

Rounding up the last lap of my doctoral studies, I had get as much work done as possible on relevant academic publications related to my thesis research. Amid the continuing restrictions posed by the pandemic, I couldn’t have gotten far in terms of progress had it not been for my peers and colleagues who have assisted me, and continue to do so, throughout this time period. I’m sincerely grateful for their efforts. Advancing into 2021, the weather forecast predicts books, and a whole lot of studying as I prepare for my thesis defense. All in all, I’ve kept busy and productive.

Studies aside, looking toward a post-academic future, career networking has been a must. I had a blast attending two stellar events in ScienceWriters2020 and ComSciConCanWest. Geared towards aspiring science writers, both events served as portals into the world of science writing. Though I couldn’t attend every single speaker session, the networking rooms offered by the two events were more than sufficient in providing a great sense of clarity toward pursuing a career in science communication and writing. I intend to have a separate post discussing both events for any aspiring science writers in my audience.

Much of the networking involved pretty much this as a first step with a more friendly and potentially rewarding approach.

Script writing concerning my graphic novel remains a slug fest but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. Weaving, ducking, and resolving the various plot holes and inconsistencies has helped me polish and fine tune the story to the best it can be. The script shall be ready by the end of the year, at which point the writing journey comes to an end and the artistic journey begins.

Staying afloat amid all of this seemed a daunting challenge but against the backdrop of joy and excitement as an expectant father, my doubts and uncertainties simply vanished. It has been an enlightening process supporting my lovely wife over the last few months of her pregnancy. Even more so, the experience has only increased my admiration and respect for her strength and patience through it all. The happiness of becoming a father notwithstanding, I can’t wait for all the sleepless nights that beckon in the near future. I’m sure I can put them to good use while simultaneously studying for my thesis defense.

That’s all for today folks! Catch you all at my next blog post!

The Shining, Turning 29, Magical Beans, and everything else!

It has been a productive affair at the working-from-home factory these past two weeks. Let’s get right into it.

The Shining

Upon insistence from a good friend, I finally read my first Stephen King novel in The Shining. Having watched Stanley Kubrick’s adaptation of the novel, I went into it expecting a little of the same and was pleasantly surprised by the major differences I found between the adaptation and the original.

Under the current circumstances of working from home and pandemic regulations, the book certainly left its impact with its vivid imagery of psychological terror during isolation. Simply, I enjoyed the novel despite the periodic lulls in tempo I felt throughout the middle-course of the plot before the rising crescendo to an awesome finale. 

Having spent much of the last two weeks doing a fair bit of brainstorming on my word-processor for my new novel, alongside late night story-boarding sessions for my comic book, I couldn’t help but relate to Jack Torrance’s frustrations on getting his writing done, and “correcting” my artwork.

Turning 29

The last week of June also witnessed a great feast hosted by my partner in celebration of my birthday. 29 years old and catching up to the 30 mark, it was a nice and simple celebration at home.

Looking through some old photos amped-up the nostalgia factor. It felt like only yesterday that I had arrived in Edmonton (10 years ago to boot) ready to start my undergraduate studies at the University of Alberta.

I couldn’t help but feel a measure of pride in thinking how far I had come in my journey. I also felt humbled and thankful to everyone who had helped me get to where I am today. The very same people continue to motivate me, even now, to persevere and work hard toward my dreams and goals.

So, a huge thank you to my loving partner, Leina, my ever-loyal family, my rambunctious and motley crew of dedicated friends, and my mentors and teachers who continue to provide me valuable lessons to this day. You guys are the best support crew anyone can ask for and I count myself lucky to have such a family.

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Magical Beans

They say with age comes patience but despite turning the leaf over another biological year in my life, patience wasn’t a luxury in my latest exploits in figure drawing.I managed to knock some sense into myself eventually but until then I was mostly slamming my head into a wall trying my best to overcome my difficulties with the next set of lessons in figure drawing.

These lessons covered the magical beans to be dissected in analyzing the human figure, and I wished it was as easy as advertised on screen.

Good news is I’ve discovered the up-time in my ability to learn a new skill in figure drawing checks in at a consistent four to five day basis. Bad news? I still suffer the Jack Torrance fever when it comes to being patient about getting to the next stage, and will have “correct” said behavior. I can mostly chalk it up to my eagerness and enthusiasm to get better as fast as possible.

Moving on from these magical beans, my gesture drawing has been seeing better days, as I now embark upon the next set of lessons on observing the basic structural forms of anatomy, starting with an assignment in drawing animals!

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45 second gestures. Still got a ways to go…

Everything else

Progress always helps, and having researched a good bit on the subject matter of my new novel, I have been able to brainstorm a good bit and all that remains is to tie up the initial threads to the plot following the main character. Meanwhile, my comic book seems to be going in reverse as I unravel the plot threads in the process of fleshing out the artwork in large storyboards with my amateurish drawings  (for now, at least). 

With that, the curtain falls upon the happening of these last two weeks. I hope to see you all very soon with another post!

Finishing the script – a new journey

After an entire year, I finally finished the rough draft of my comic book script last weekend.

LikelyFinishedHerculesbeetle-max-1mb

This post is a little late to the party but my mind desperately needed a break from writing. The last few days have allowed me to recuperate as well as re-evaluate my goals and objectives with regards to the comic book, and to a larger extent, my future.

What I required was a dose of reality, and I got a good share of it reading reference books on making and publishing comics. While I’m very happy to have finished the rough draft, there still remains a lot to be done. Reading and listening to the words of professional writers and comic book artists has also made it very clear how the journey towards becoming a full-fledged writer/artist is not an easy one. There is still a long way to go, and there is even more to learn. I need to really patch up my art skills, and consistently improve my writing as well. It is a difficult career, and success is not guaranteed, but when all is said and done I find that what is required is a little bit of initiative and a whole lot of discipline.

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Vegeta and I are on the same wavelength concerning this. 

I’ve been writing ever since high school. It started off with corny and over the top cheesy romantic teen novels. My first ever novel was titled, Love As It Is, so I think you get the point.

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These novels now serve as comedic enterprises on those days when I’m stressed and don’t feel too good about my writing just so I can remind myself how much I have improved since.

Then came an autobiography in Our Last Summer that allowed me to reflect on the most dynamic stages of my life growing up from a scrawny teenager to a responsible adult. At it’s heart, the book was about family, friendship, and remembering my roots while paving my own path in life.

This soon followed suit with a short, fictionalized novel in A Little Bit of Everything.  Despite being fiction, the story touched base and drew inspiration from what I believe will remain the most important and memorable moments of my life. Writing A Little Bit of Everything helped me define who I am and who I wished to be as an individual. When I completed the book, I realized that what meant the most to me in life was to keep my loved ones happy, and share my happiness with them and others through my stories and writing. Now, having finished the script for my comic book, that emotion has become a resolution for what I’m convinced and determined will be the foundation for my future career. 

While the script is complete, I can’t deny that it will be a few more years until the comic book as a whole comes together. I have just begun dissecting an art course on line drawings and fundamentals. I have purchased a few more on figure drawing, perspective drawing, and animation, in a toolbox that I expect will grow in time. I will soon begin polishing my script and setting out the layouts for the comic while doing a hefty bit of research on topics relevant to the work. I will be juggling these activities in between brainstorming another novel and completing my doctoral studies.

I have my work cut for me but I look forward to this new adventure, one that I intend to share with all my readers, friends, and family. With your love and support, I intend to pull through. That being said, I hope you are all doing well and staying safe amidst the current COVID-19 pandemic!

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I’ll see you all very soon with another post.

To be Continued…

“Saying is one thing; doing is another.”

I spent the last few months in what amounted to a roller-coaster ride “parallel processing” all the variables that regulate my present life, and those I must now consider for my future.

I’m a guy who likes to live in the moment and not have to think too far ahead so, obviously, this was a problem. The floodgates opened with a series of conversations at work after I had successfully completed my candidacy examination.

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I was perfectly poised at the halfway point of my PhD degree, and on a near-constant basis, caught up in various conversations revolving around a necessity to plan ahead and begin setting the foundations for my career aspirations.

While much of the advice I received was in good spirit, it was quite overwhelming to take in all at once. It also served as a bitter pill that I hadn’t fully pushed myself to ask the important questions and seek the necessary answers for my future.

Thankfully, with this post, I can confidently say that I’m now on the road to getting my shit together and fully committing to my career aspirations.

Passions vs. Priorities

The world revolves around money, and I would be stupid to fool myself otherwise. I needed a good plan, and a backup to that plan, on top of another backup to my backup.

With that said, I spent the last few months heavily researching, not so much in science, but in life. I identified my passions as well as the priorities that come naturally as you grow older. As usual, it will ultimately be a balancing act, and one that I’m eager to dive into.

The goal: find a secure day-time job that fits my academic and scientific interests (ideally, a science writer), and serve as somewhat of a financial coverage, while simultaneously moonlight as a writer/artist….

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Who will take over the world!

Teaching at the university… 

My outlook on such a future was further strengthened in a recent opportunity as a guest lecturer for a higher-level undergraduate course at the university. As a teenager, I was a huge fan of the works of Carl Sagan. I was captivated by his ability to communicate complicated concepts in such concise and measured language.

Preparing for the lecture, I would try to emulate Sagan in my own way.  Unlike the usual recipe of wrestling with the concepts in my own privacy, I would wrestle with ideas on how to communicate my research to these undergraduate students.

The lecture itself would go “smoothly,”

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From what I gathered talking to a few of the students, they seemed to have understood the points I had tried to get across. It was also clear I had a long way to go until I could reach the level of Dr. Sagan. Set against the backdrop of inner monologues on my career aspirations, the guest lecture experience was beneficial and altogether, a lot of fun.  

Looking ahead

With that being said, I am now in full-time pursuit of setting the foundations of my career in writing and art. Moving forward, there are two major changes I wished to share with my readers:

(1) A science blog, established independently from The Pensive Reverie, that I will publish this coming week on WordPress. It will serve as my primary platform towards my efforts to becoming a science writer.

(2) The continuation and refocusing of The Pensive Reverie as more of a personal outlet (along the lines of this post’s content) to share my daily adventures and thoughts in my efforts to moonlight as an author/artist.

That covers most of the fun surprises I have in store for all of you. I will see you all again very soon with a new post, and a new blog to boot on top of it!