Tag: Culture

Observing traditions in a multi-cultural family

Growing up in a Christian family in India meant we had a slightly different schedule of festivals to celebrate throughout the year compared to our neighbors who were predominantly Hindus. That didn’t stop my family from engaging in a few of the Hindu festivals and traditions.

Indian culture is a multifaceted entity with thousands of unique traditions and customs present in the country. A lot of these traditions, while built within a religious foundation (Hinduism), are often interpreted as setting the norm for daily life, especially surrounding family. When my family left India, all the way back in 2001, my parents strived to maintain those traditions at least within the circle of our own religious beliefs. As I grew up, those religious beliefs were molded by my personal experiences in life.

So, there I was in Christmas 2021, singing along to the Gunter Kallmann Choir Christmas playlist while packing up our apartment with the help of my baby daughter. This choir was a favorite of my grandfather’s and the carols brought back nostalgic memories of celebrating Christmas Eve at my grandparents’ home.

Draped over the chair, in the opposite corner of the living room, I recognized the veshti I had worn just a few weeks back when we had celebrated Diwali, the Hindu festival of lights.

One of the most popular festivals in Hinduism, Diwali symbolizes the victory of good over evil, and is celebrated between mid-October and mid-November.

I had cooked a traditional feast for my wife and daughter (who indulged as much as possible for her age) while wishing family and friends to share in our joy, much like we would later do on Christmas Eve.

These celebrations were followed by several others, this time from my wife’s side of the family, who are Japanese. We observe our last meal of Toshikoshi soba on New Year’s Eve,

Toshikoshi soba is a noodle dish eaten on New Year’s Eve, and isa customary practice to let go of the hardships of the year, represented by the soba noodles that are easily cut while eating.

followed by Nanakusa no Sekku or the Festival of Seven Herbs, on January 7th.

Nanakusa no sekku is a custom where one eats seven (nana)-herb rice porridge to ward off evil and celebrate longevity and good health.

A week after that, we would once again come full circle, by celebrating Pongal, a multi-day Hindu harvest festival observed by Tamils in India.

Pongal celebrates the first harvest of the New Year. The festival is named after the ceremonial dish “pongal”, which means to boil or overflow, prepared from the new harvest of rice boiled in milk with jaggery or raw sugar.

What was the point of all of this? Why celebrate so many different festivals of varying origins?

The answer has to do with my struggles to find the best of both worlds in balancing my cultural norms with those of others I grew accustomed to while living in Egypt, Sudan, Sierra Leone, and Canada. Now, as a father, I wished to create a family tradition for my baby daughter that was open-minded, contrasting to the chaotic nature of discussions in the name of religion, while providing a platform honoring and respecting people’s religious choices and faith.

By integrating these different festivals and celebrations, I wish to create an environment that would hopefully allow my daughter to embrace different cultures and respect their traditions, as she grows up. Christmas, beyond the religious stipulations, always represented happy memories with family. It was a period of time when we could all come together, revel in trivial pursuits and games, and just be happy for each other. 

That emotion of familial joy became permanently affixed to many of the other celebrations my parents had observed, outside of our religious circle, in festivals like Diwali and Pongal. Diwali, for me, was just a different kind of Christmas, and Pongal was a different New Year’s celebration. Together, they both meant being with family and being happy. Growing up, I realized that just because my family identified with one religion didn’t necessarily mean I couldn’t embrace or observe the traditions of another faith. To that end, I met a perfect partner in my wife who shared the same opinion.

While we can’t guarantee what our daughter will remember about how we celebrate the holiday season, I’m happy that we have started a dialogue of sorts where she could explore at her own pace the similarities and differences that various faiths have to offer. As she grows older, we will support her desire to explore the world in her own way whether it meant celebrating Hindu festivals, learning the meaning behind Shinto rituals and traditions, or simply lighting up the Christmas tree in the living room.

In the meantime, Christmas 2021 and New Year 2022 provided the perfect ending to our journey in Edmonton (for me and my wife) and the beginning of a new adventure in Calgary. In the years to come, I hope to continue engaging in this open dialogue with my daughter as we observe traditions from both sides of the family.

Through it all, I have one hope for her: that she will one day grow to remember, much like her mother and father, that by embracing something new and different you are not losing yourself but expanding and learning on what you already have.

The Art of Perseverance

When you arrive at a crossroad in life, you can guarantee that it will come with its fair share of mixed feelings and emotions. The last month has been just that amidst some giant leaps and developments in my personal life, and ergo, my absence from The Pensive Reverie. It has all been about perseverance amidst the changes that I expect moving forward (delightful as they are) in a committed relationship with my partner and one which will invite company in due time.

The experience has had far-reaching implications, often to hilarious effect, in various aspects of my life. From an adventurous sleeping cycle and a total re-organization of daily activities, the last month has kept me thinking if I’m back at the university dorms doing undergraduate studies.

Jokes aside, these recent developments have also led to difficult engagements in other aspects of my life largely revolving around family. Long back, I had written a post titled Constructing an Identity where I had identified myself as a third-culture kid.

Much of this was related to my experiences in traveling around the world to different countries throughout my teenage years, and the struggle that accompanied my efforts in balancing my cultural personality. Most of all,

I found the inability to openly discuss individual differences within my culture as a major obstacle in communication. Social interactions would rather become a form of control, followed by an equally weighted concern for internal, and external judgment.  

During a pandemic, when you are living in the opposite corner of the world from your family, things get a little difficult. So, needless to say, much of August has also involved a consistent dose of perseverance, now spanning several years, in dealing with tumultuous family dynamics.

Communication can be darn difficult especially in situations where you expect it to be easy. A dollop of a multicultural relationship, topped with differing ideals and perspectives, make the ensuing conversations even more difficult. Despite this, I find it necessary to persevere because after all family is family. August has been fruitful in that I was able to find a measure of closure concerning much of these issues.

With that being said, I will return very soon with a new post and updates about my latest efforts in writing my graphic novel, and artistic adventures.

Seeking Perspective…

Curiosity is a defining characteristic of human nature. More often than not, our curiosity leads us to be engrossed in the minor details of our daily lives. This is particularly evident in this modern day and age where social media has become a prevalent source of knowledge, and entertainment. It is in our nature to ask questions, and seek answers. From an evolutionary perspective, we associate such traits as attributive of the “survival-of-the-fittest,” helping our species to provide and support for its survival, and reproduction.

The more we learn about our world, the greater do we struggle to define our existence.  Who am I? What is my purpose? These are questions we all ask at some point in our lives. We strive to find answers to said questions through the scope of our experiences. This allows us to examine and interpret our lives relative to those of others, such as our friends and family. By doing so, we gain perspective. Life is filled with dichotomies but it is within the structure of these relative measures of “compare-and-contrast” that we enrich our thoughts, and find a means to define our identities as unique individuals.

Returning to India, my homeland, was an experience that provided much needed perspective. It was a journey that had long been overdue since my arrival in Canada, eight years earlier (2009), for post-secondary studies. Up to that point, my life was a collage of the experiences I had at Egypt (where I completed my elementary education), and Sudan (where I completed my secondary education); experiences that now serve as the foundation of my identity. My life in Canada supplemented this foundation, further motivating my future dreams and aspirations.

While in India, I was frequently asked to express my opinions and observations on the state of things, under political and social contexts, in the country. Initially, I was inclined to believe that such inquiries were an inevitable motion of my status as an “outsider”, but this was a naive conclusion. In retrospect, I identified that such queries were simply another means to an end, in this case, an aggregation of knowledge via perspective. It is a facet of the curious case of cultural diffusion in India, a concept I am largely familiar with, in an identity crisis amid the divisive cultural and social experiences of my past and imminent future. Apart from enjoying my time with friends and family, my journey home allowed me to put this problem to rest.

Differences shouldn’t be a cause for silence or division but an incentive for discussion. Such an idea is applicable to the personal dynamics of a family, and other hierarchical structures as that of a government or a society. In observing my country and its culture, I had openly stated my surprise for the lack of active change and progress within the society.  I was motivated to blame the established bureaucracy which I felt had embezzled the citizens from what they deserved. Though civil services and liberties provided for the general run-of-the-mill needs and requirements of the common man and woman, the citizen’s willingness to call for active progress and change had been woefully bargained away by the existing political atmosphere, and the natural course of life. At the same time, in light of my statements, I felt a hypocrite. Though I was voicing my opinions, I hadn’t necessarily acted upon them. Vainly, I had reaped judgment, and deferred the call for action.

This prompted an awakening. The keyword was change, and thankfully enough, I built the courage to enact upon the differences that had once set me apart from my family. By openly communicating my thoughts, and feelings I paved the way for understanding and reconciliation. In this manner, I could voice my opinions, and prove them in action.  Now, back in my fortress of solitude in Edmonton, I can’t help but look forward to a brighter future where I intend to act upon the answers I’ve gained in my personal journey.  Having struggled to balance my past, and my future, I have come to realize that both these states of time are largely a measure of the present that I interpret. My trip to India offered a unique, and worldly view into these very dichotomies that now define the person I am. I hope to take this lesson, and apply it fruitfully in my aspirations to change the world for the better.

While the actions of our past may have implications for the future, we may find balance by being attentive to the present. This is a notion that is applicable to the individual as well as to the collective society, for rather than defer to alternatives in response to a problem it is imperative that we seek solutions through open communication, in the spirit of the inherent curiosity that makes all us different individuals, and yet one human species.

Constructing an Identity

Who am I? 

It is a question that everyone asks at some point in their lives, and characterizes an individual’s struggle to define their identity, relative to themselves, and the world. Understanding this allows one to examine, as well as recognize, their own potential, and qualities as an individual. It is also highly influential in one’s decision on who they choose to be,  particularly in relation to their social circumstances.

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I’d spent the past week wrestling with this concept, that incidentally suffers heavily from the bias of vague, and open-ended statements. It is also an onerous task to maintain a degree of impartiality in discussing the various facets of a concept that is implicitly co-dependent on the individual, and their environment. Thus, for the sake of brevity, and a measure of focus, I will abstain from a generalized mode of approach, and inject a dose of my personal experience, as a third culture kid (TCK), to guide my review of this subject.

What is a TCK? 

A third culture kid is a term used to describe children who were raised in a culture, or an environment outside of their parents’ culture for a significant part of their years of development.

Self-identity is a measure of an individual’s growth, and is paralleled by their personal intelligence. Self-knowledge is the understanding of oneself, and one’s motives, or character. Personal intelligence is the exhibition of this self-knowledge, allowing one to correctly evaluate oneself, and others. Possessing personal intelligence also allows individuals to acknowledge their own limitations.

Altogether, it could be said that this triad  of elements, and their dynamics in an individual define his/her personality. An analogy can be made to the form of ideas, and their subsequent expression via actions. The question of identity is a sponsoring thought, precursor to the ideas that form the foundation of our self-knowledge, to ultimately result in the growth of our personal intelligence exercised in our ability to adapt to our environment, and our decisions.

In constructing one’s identity, an individual confronts the objective of maintaining a balance between these three elements, while remaining open to an assortment of external influences that pervade one’s environment. This balance exemplifies the ideal “perfection” that every individual may seek as dictated by the boundaries of  their life.

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Perfection was of paramount importance to this particular individual.

An Identity Crisis 

An identity crisis is not so much a crisis as it is a natural consequence of life. One may experience such an issue at any point in their life, and at times, repeatedly.

In my case, the root of the crisis was in the difference of my views, along with the influx of conflicting “agents” that set about the expansion of my world. It was a process that eventually led me to acknowledge my status as a TCK.

These so-called “agents” were the structures about which my life revolved, and a casual listing of a few would include: culture, religion, family, education, and personal experience. My identity crisis originated from a combination of these factors, and had a significant influence in my mental, and physical maturity.

Every individual we meet in life maintains a unique view of the world, none of them being perfect. At times, we aren’t conscious of this world view, and there is an associated vagueness on the rules that we abide by, or prefer to choose, in leading our lives. Problems in self-identity arise as reason pierces this vagueness that clouds our psyche.

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My exposure to a clash of cultures, and my daily interactions during my life at Egypt, Sudan, Sierra Leone, and Canada, the differences in religious rituals, and conversations, the changes in family dynamics as well as the choices made in my personal education, and the acceptance of selective experiences allowed for clarity, and a brand new integrated perspective on the rules, and standards that dictated my life.

My struggle primarily concerned communicating my differing views, and perspectives within the conservative habitat of my family. To call for blame was redundant, and the solution followed the simple necessity of an open conversation, but the path to it was fraught with afflictions of self-doubt, and a gradual disintegration of the boundaries that once delegated my life. I often liken it to seeing the two faces of a coin, describing the dual identity I maintained, while in contention with an objective to delineate the appropriate behavioral balance in between.

What is the bigger picture?

The environment contributed vastly to my progress. My childhood was predominantly in India, in a society that constituted a collective form of individuality, where there is a preference for group mentality, particularly surrounding family relationships. As a ten year old, I was not able to critically assess my status in this culture.

The rest of my life was spent traveling from country to country, completing my secondary education in Egypt, followed by my higher-secondary studies in Sudan. While my family would continue in their collective journey to Sierra Leone, I decided to pursue studies at the University of Alberta, in Edmonton, Canada, and where I am now to this day.

In between these transitions, I slowly confronted the persisting doubts, and questions I had of the various cultures, and communities where I had lived. This led to the conflict between the conservative dynamics of my family, and the open attitude I embraced in my life.

I found the inability to openly discuss individual differences within my culture as a major obstacle in communication. Social interactions would rather become a form of control (abusive or non-abusive), followed by an equally weighted concern for internal, and external judgment.  Influence seemed a selective process relegated upon the younger population via the codes of conduct (or ritual) held in high esteem by the older fraternity.

On the other hand, the allure of an open approach towards life, fostered an independent attitude, and relationships. There was an inherent favoritism towards the individual, and his/her actions could reflect along the lines of, “You do what is right for you-haters gonna hate.”

Confronted by these differences, I decided to choose the best of both worlds. It is a choice that I still debate, and contend with. My identity crisis entertains a search for balance between the differing values, and ways of life in the two communities. Neither was perfect, and both had their share of deficiencies, and advantages.

How do we make the right decisions?

It is the final destination. An identity crisis ultimately comes to debating the right course of action. In my opinion, there is no one absolute answer.

The choice of identity is a highly selective, and fast-evolving process. At the end of the day, it really is up to the individual to decide on what they wish to believe in, and the path they choose to pursue.

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It would be highly favorable  if this decision is made with an open mind that not only acknowledges the compromises that may be made, but also the necessity to remove oneself from an environment that may not be suitable in their lives.

This willingness to separate oneself from their immediate world, can be accompanied by a healthy endeavor to integrate the multitude of perspectives, and views that concern their life.

To what end? 

My comments on the prior section may provide an air of selfishness about the individual in choosing their well-being over that of others. In my own life, my choice to follow a unique path was falsely viewed as an act of selfishness. This is very common, as we are after all discussing an issue that pits an individual against his/her immediate environment, and peers. Thus, it is natural to have a difference of views, or a parting of ways among the subjects involved.

Identity is an evolving concept. It is a lifelong transition, and depending on the individual, it may or may not find a resolution. I’m still very much in the process of constructing my identity, and have found my resolve by focusing on my dreams, and aspirations. Compromises have to be made, and is inherent in our struggles to find a place for ourselves in this world.

But, in the end, what matters the most is that we do so being true to ourselves, and who we wish to be. While doubts, and misgivings may persist, it is up to us to keep pushing forward, even when a resolution may not be evident, in this grand adventure that is life, for isn’t that what it means to be human?

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We might not be together every day, and the coming of one adventure, may mean the end of another, but no matter what we do, or where we are, the bonds that we have shared with each, and every person along the way will never break. That’s what it means to live free.

 

To my readers

This post describes my personal opinions on this complex subject. I invite critical comments, and discussions.

Next up: Constructing an Identity

As promised, look forward to the first critical article that I intend to post on this blog this weekend! The discussion will focus on addressing, and scrutinizing the psychology, and dynamics involved in the construction of an individual’s identity, as well as the various parameters that play an influence in the process.

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Nosce te ipsum … Know thyself…