Tag: Memories

Moving on…

I started writing a journal right around the time of my grandfather’s passing. I believe my decision to do so was in an effort to confront a loved one’s death and a reaction to what was a coming-of-age experience. I’ve kept up with my journal to this day, and it now serves as a treasure trove of memories.

Memories are a powerful emotion. My writing has largely been inspired by the experiences I have had over the course of my life. Along the way, I have gradually collected a library of the same, in my journal, that I’ve come to value dearly.

A few months ago, I posted a review on Will Eisner’s graphic novels. Among the ones I read, The Building left a long-lasting impression. Its premise focused on a building that served as the setting for the drama that brought together the story’s cast of characters. With the passing of time, the building’s subsequent aging and the corresponding circumstances reflect pivotal moments in each character’s life and their attachment to a building that has become synonymous with their life’s travails.

When my grandfather passed away, the decision was made for renovations to be done and for his home to be rented out to another family. I, on the other hand, was adamant that the house and its contents be left as they were, serving as a memorial in remembrance of the wonderful moments my family and I had shared with my grandfather in its quarters. In retrospect, I believe my frustrations were born of my unwillingness to let go but in due time I would do exactly that, leaning instead towards the descriptive passages of my journal to remember the irreplaceable memories of my grandfather and his home where I had spent much of my childhood. That was more than a decade ago.

Now, 29 years old, I found myself doing the same on the occasion of the passing of a close friend and mentor. Here too there was a venue, another building to remember. Gathering my accessories I traveled back in time to revisit it, allowing those memorable moments I had shared with my mentor to wash over the closeted corners of my mind. At times, a part of me wondered if my efforts were futile in nature and  no different than the actions of my younger counterpart, in my inability to let go.

An answer initially felt out of reach but looking back at Eisner’s The Building I was able to string together a response. I realized that my struggle wasn’t about an inability to let go but a work in progress to accept a natural ritual of life we all experience at some point in our lives. It is in many ways similar to writing a story, and one that allows us to cherish the past while continuing our individual journey in the present.

It is a story that offers the bittersweet truth that time will always continue to flow forward. Often, this reality leaves us restless. It drives us to reach out to our memories, snapshots that somehow provide a semblance of permanence and peace, against the inevitable tempest of change.

At the same time, understanding this has also helped me realize how important it is to cherish the present, and to learn to live in the moment. What better can we do in memory of our loved ones than by living those moments that made us together, and sharing them with those who make our present in an eternal tribute.

Trinkets from the ’90s

We all have a To-Do List, and every time we make one, there is always something that we inevitably push off to the end. In my case, it was cleaning up the storage room in my apartment.

After months of “surface” organization, I got off my lazy ass this week and put in some real time. Having accumulated an array of materials from when I had first begun my undergraduate studies (and prior), what was expected to be a painful process turned out to be very enjoyable.

Among the mislabeled cardboard and storage boxes, I found an assortment of items that served as references to various trinkets from the ’90s and early 2000s (my childhood and teenage years) in what now seems to be a lost time.

I was hard-pressed to choose my top 10 favorites (in no particular order) in what I found. For those readers among my audience who were born in the ’90s (and possibly earlier) I hope we share common grounds in relating to these memories.

(1) Dial-Up Internet & MSN Messenger

The iconic screeching sounds of connecting (and re-connecting) to the World Wide Web so that I could chat with my friends via MSN Messenger after school is an enduring memory. I used MSN Messenger up till 2011 (when I was in the second year of my undergraduate studies at university) by which point it was done and dusted and Facebook had taken over.

(2) Trackballs/Boxed Computers/Floppy Disks

My family had one shared PC system hosting Windows XP and man was it the hoot to get some game time on it. The trackballs would get broken often and replacements were a frequent necessity. Floppy disks were the fashion while I was in elementary school, and it wasn’t until middle school (around 2006) that I got my hands on CDs (700 MB were certainly big storage back then), but it wouldn’t be long till  the USBs (and the GIGA-bytes) came into fashion.

(3) Cassette Players/Discman

On that vein, I would carry cassette players and discman all the way up to my early high-school years. These were the bomb, and unlike my first I-pod which seemed so fragile, these looked like they could withstand anything (and on many occasions, did).

(4) Boxed Television

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Not much different from the boxed computers. Boxed TVs were the fashion in my family until only very recently. In fact, the basement I lived in a few years ago, had a boxed TV that was compatible with my PS3. The graphics, on the other hand, were certainly not.

(5) 240p/360p

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Kids these days make too much of a fuss for videos that lack 1080p resolution. Back in my days, 144p was the king. Our eyes never really necessitated the measurement of focusing on resolution until the culture of pixel diversity kicked in.

(6)  Siruvar Malar

A callback to my childhood in India, I grew up reading the Tamil counterpart of what were children’s newspapers/comics. These magazines were my weekly entertainment and would be delivered with the Friday newspapers. The magazines would be peppered with folktales, crossword puzzles, brain twisters, and just about everything that made a kid happy. My grandfather collected over thousands of these magazines in what was a treasure trove of memories that I shared with him in my childhood. I can certainly attribute the origin of my aspirations to become a writer and comic-book artist to these magazines.

(7) Spinning Tops /Beyblade

In my hometown of Madurai, India, you weren’t a cool kid if you didn’t know how to spin a top. I would spend many hours learning the art, much of which initially involved slamming the top on the ground, before eventually becoming a street master. Dueling tops in my childhood in the ’90s would later transform into my love for Beyblade in the early 2000s.

(8) Slap Bracelets + Tazos

While I didn’t get to wear a watch frequently, I did get to wear these slap bracelets  along with a few of my “bracelet buddies” throughout my middle school days in the early 2000s. I would also host a gigantic collection of tazos during the Nintendo Pokemon craze of that time period. My family lived in Egypt back then, and unfortunately, my mother would throw the tazos away prior to our departure from the country. Despite their loss, I will always remember the memorable fights I had with my younger sister bargaining between Pokemon tazos as we became Lays chips (through which they were promoted) junkies.

(9) Multicolored Pens

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As a kid, I felt a certain amount of authority after buying a multicolored pen, especially when I had been frequently told that red/green/blue colored pens could only be utilized by teachers! These pens were just that cool. Even now, I would love to buy one just for the sake of it.

(10) Simpler Pleasures

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In conclusion, I got my storage sorted out, and in return inherited a flood of nostalgia on the simple pleasures that is my experience of the ’90s and early 2000s.

Living in the Past, ’96: A Movie Review

This post is a first for me as it is a review of a 2018 Tamil film which made waves in my home state of Tamil Nadu, India upon its release. Having watched the movie only recently, and being a Tamil movie enthusiast, I was left wondering how I had missed it at all.

’96 is a romantic drama starring prominent Kollywood actors Vijay Sethupathi and Trisha Krishnan in the lead roles of Ram and Jaanu, two high school sweethearts from the 1996 batch meeting again at a reunion, 22 years after their initial parting.

The plot progresses periodically between episodes of Ram and Jaanu’s past in 1996 when they were classmates in high school and fell in love, to their present state 22 years later. Their reunion, and subsequent interactions in coming to terms with their present lives form the crux of the film in an excellent eulogy capturing the nostalgia of first-love, the inevitability of time, and the power of memories.

A movie succeeds when it is able to make its audience part of its story.  Unlike most movies where I have played the classic part of the audience as a third-party individual looking in at the protagonists’ journey from a removed space, ’96 offered a refreshing and unique experience where I felt drawn into the world of Ram and Jaanu as though I were one of their close friends relating with their journey.

This is achieved largely through the original background score  of ’96. The music is evocative, providing  a unique dialogue that embraces the subtle emotions and silence reflected in the company of the protagonists, while simultaneously transcending the story by drawing the audience into their journey.

Indeed, Ram and Jaanu’s experiences reminded me of my very own efforts in writing Our Last Summer: A Personal Memoir as well as A Little Bit of Everything. Both books were motivated by my desires to capture and immortalize cherished memories from high school and the last few years of my life. The fundamental themes of love, memories, the inexorable passage of time, and the very act of remembering and living in the past as evidenced by the characters in the movie touched me deeply and served as an additional reminder of my personal life resolution to “cherish the memories of the past, live the present, and happily anticipate the future.”

I learned this lesson in the company of a tragic event in my life. It has helped me since to become stronger as an individual in making my future by remembering the past that builds my present and appreciating the subtle and simple things that I often tend to take for granted in my day to day adventures. 

Ram and Jaanu face those very same questions and find their answers in ’96. I leave it to you, my readers, to find out their journey’s end and be inspired to engage in your own drive down memory lane. ’96 joins the prestigious group of a select set of movies that have come from the Tamil film industry that I believe transcend its culture and language. I highly recommend the film for all my readers as it is readily available on Youtube, Google Play, or Einthusan.

Chasing the memories of tomorrow

Setting aside the residual dream,
I welcome the gentle warmth of the sun,
Stirring, as I do,
Upon a waking dawn,
Undulating in its silent progress across the cosmic stream.

Breathing in the silence that stills my surroundings,
I relish the isolation of my existence,
In a moment that steals me away from the present,
My eyes, seeking beyond time,
Toward that distant horizon, where the future beckons.

Stepping forward onto the light,
I begin my journey,
Disposing my fears,
And following my heart’s desires,
In a wish to live free.

Shaking the uncertainties,
That question where the road ends,
I take comfort,
In the new beginnings,
That appear around every bend.

Gaining strength in every step of the way,
My shadow grows longer in the face of the rising sun,
Coalescing with others that appear,
From all walks of life, and spurring me forward,
As I begin to run.

Knowing that time waits for no one,
From the past, I borrow,
The happiness with which I may look back,
At what lies ahead,
Chasing the memories of tomorrow…

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Passage Of Time…

Gazing out the window, I observe the tempestuous motion of clouds in the sky. The chill of a wet breeze strikes my skin as I swing along with the rhythmic motion of the trees in my neighborhood, dancing to the progressive wind. Relaxing in the comforting solitude of my humble abode, my reflections render a view across time, allowing me to travel back, and revisit the nostalgic memories of the past that led me to my current life.

A journey that began in a small corner of the world, I awakened my dreams at the sight of the luminous lamps of fire that lit up the night sky of my hometown. Contemplating on the questions that beset my curiosity, I stumbled forward, on and on, desperate to seek answers. Soaring upon the wings of my ambitions, I ventured forward into the unknown, finding strength in the arms of three beings without whom I would not be the man I am today (Mom, Dad, Sis, I love you).

Bidding farewell to our last summer, I would pave my own path in life, meeting various personalities along the way, experiences with frequent beginnings, and ends. Reinventing myself over, and over, I eventually discovered my grounds in who I wished to be in the place of another’s heart, completing a journey that brought me full circle to the little bits of everything I found in her, and appreciated in life (Thank you, Leina).

Time waits for no one…and so I wish to fall briefly into the wrenching melancholic, and bittersweet nostalgia of all that has come to be in my life so far. To the friends, and family I have met, and who have supported me along the way I give you my deep-felt thanks. Though we may be distances apart, seeking our own ends in life, our memories together will forever remain in my heart.

Now, as the tides of time push me forward, I find my resolve in the joy of our times together, and remembering those happy days we shared. Embracing the present that is built upon those memories, I find my reason to smile, thankful for all that I have been given in life. Alighting on my 26th birthday, I look toward a new, and grand horizon of adventures to follow. Thus, I’m led forward by the me of tomorrow, who holds my hand, and filled with dreams of the future, but supported all the way, by the me of yesterday, who holds all of our memories together, and follows right along…in what has been my life, or rather a passage of time…

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Cherish the memories of the past, Embrace the present, and happily Anticipate the future…Time may progress inevitably, but it is our choice to make this life, a moment that transcends eternity…

Happy Birthday Sis!

Having a younger sibling isn’t always easy. One moment you find yourself the center of attention, and then all of a sudden, your thunder seems stolen when all everyone talks about is the newest member of the family. At least, that’s how it seemed to me when you entered my life. Little did I know it would be the beginning of a wonderful, and life-long journey of friendship to follow.

I can never forget the day when I first met you. You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen in my life (you still are, for me). Approaching on my tip-toes, I had come to your side, looking down with great intrigue as you lay fast asleep, your deep breaths coming with the gentle rise, and fall of your full-sized tummy.

You eventually opened your eyes, closing them almost immediately into a narrow slit. The light must have hurt you, but you didn’t give up, as you opened your eyes a bit wider, struggling before they tuned in to focus on my own. It was then you pulled back your lips, your face radiant with a fleeting smile that left me speechless, and overwhelmed. There was no doubt whatsoever. I knew then that this was my baby sister smiling at me, and in  a moment that tied me to you forever, I was utterly, and irrevocably smitten.

You would soon become my best-friend, and my greatest nemesis. You would have my back whenever I needed it the most, and also turned out to be the best partner in crime I could ever ask for. You brought the best in me, and still do so to this very day. Over the twenty-years of our journey together, there is not a moment that I would want to change. While our dreams, and ambitions may take us to different destinations, I can never forget our beginning,  a moment that will always bring us together.

Happy Birthday Annie. On this day, I want you to know, I love you, and will do so forever. Nothing will ever change that. To me, you are and will always be the light in our family, a vibrant flame I wish to protect, and hold dear for all my life.

HappyBDay

A New Chapter…

Collecting Memories

Who am I? What is my purpose?

For as long as I can remember, I have contemplated the measure of these questions, and yet it is in their stubborn company, that I’ve discovered the foundations of my future ambitions, and dreams. It is a journey that I’ve recounted with great enthusiasm, and vigor in Our Last Summer, and of recent, in Agent X.

Thinking back over the 25 years that have comprised my existence, I’m grateful for all that life has offered me. It is an experience that I liken to a blissful dream or even a pensive reverie (no pun intended), and one that is yet to end. To cherish the memories of the past, to live the present to the fullest, and happily anticipate the future; this is my motto, a personal philosophy that I’ve maintained throughout the countless adventures, and memorable experiences that have made me the man I am today.

And yet, despite all my progress, life still manages to surprise me at every end.

 On Love

What captivates me the most is the peculiar nature with which we carry ourselves; each of us dictated, and bound by what we accept to be true. But, truth is merely a vague concept. At times, it is a fact that is provided to us by the institutions that we are born into, or the ideologies that we digest from the surrounding environment. Ultimately, the reality that we find in its promises may all be a mirage, a world that is conceived by nothing more than our individual beliefs, and thus leading us to wrongly judge others based on our own preconceptions, and by their appearances.

It is a struggle that resonates in the very fabric of human communication, and yet it is in its assured reality that we also discover our greatest freedom. A freedom that is constituted by our ability to accept the same, and move forward with goodwill, and faith; a freedom that prompts us to accept our inhibitions, and misgivings, allowing us to find unity amid the differences that set us apart in an emotion that we call love.

It takes great courage to fall in love, for by falling in love we also admit to our greatest fears, and learn to rise above them (at least, that’s how it turned out in my life). I found the answers to my questions in love. As such, I’m thankful for the support I have received from my family; I’m grateful for the acceptance I’ve found among my friends; and I’m happy beyond words in the fulfillment of the bond I share with my partner.

Life, as it is…

Much of what I’ve learned has revolved around the complex, and diverse rituals of relationships that constitute the flow of daily life; a fundamental theme that forms the basis of my work in Our Last Summer, and Agent X. Now, as I venture upon the horizon of a new chapter, I can’t help but sift through the pages of my past in what has been a humbling experience from my childhood, to my teenage years, all the way to where I’m now contemplating, drifting amid the warm winds of a summer night, the wonders of life, as it is…

“A man is but a product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes.” – Mahatma Gandhi