It has been over a month since my last post. My absence was of necessity as in that time I successfully defended my Masters thesis, and completed my graduate degree in Physics. The whole ordeal has kept me busy for over two months, and I’m now happy to return and engage everyone again on this blog.
Just yesterday, I received official confirmation of my thesis’ approval. The reality is yet to sink in but having spent the afternoon clearing up my desk space at home, and organizing a large pile of scrap including research papers and calculations, I can say I’m thoroughly enjoying this new reality that is Ajay Peter Manuel, MSc. Physics.
Leading up to the thesis defense, I was surprised that I wasn’t nervous at all. My classmates and supervisor attributed this to my hard work over the past two years, and consequently, a collective boost in confidence concerning my research. The defense began somewhere along the lines of,
“Friends and strangers from distant lands…we are gathered here today to discuss my research on the Single Dielectric Barrier Discharge Plasma Actuator over the past two years…”
and ended along the lines of,
Where are all these questions coming from?!
Jokes aside, it was an engaging and wonderful learning experience, as I thoroughly enjoyed jousting with the audience and the committee’s questions. I then spent the following week making the necessary revisions (a short and easy process) for my thesis, format it according to the rules and regulations set by the Faculty of Graduate Studies and Research, and finally got it approved yesterday!
And now, I’m all set to embark on a new adventure in my life. While working part-time as a student tutor, I will be studying in preparation for my PhD in Robotics on September 2017. The year long transition will allow me to relax, and sink back into my writing, music, art, and just about enjoy life everyday. Meanwhile, this will also provide me ample time to consistently write posts on The Pensive Reverie. I thank everyone for being patient so far! Look forward to an update very soon on my next post!
Also, a big shout out to my loving parents and sister, my wonderful partner, and all my friends who have supported and helped me make it this far. Thanks so much!
Still can’t believe I made it this far! It’s just the beginning to an even bigger adventure!
I’m yet to successfully defend my thesis before the supervisory committee, and as such can make no claims to having completed my thesis. Nevertheless, this won’t stop me from relishing the relief that follows having “hammered” out a 100 page first draft detailing my work over the past two years.
My friend here knows what I mean about accomplishments via “hammering.”
My personal treat on the eve of this achievement was to go to my first movie premiere. It was a Tamil movie, titled ‘Kabali.’ The movie features the actor Rajinikanth, who is possibly one of my favorites among various others in the South Indian film fraternity.
Along with Leina, and a good friend, we attended the premiere last Thursday. While we enjoyed the movie, our night ended with partial deafness, and loss of hearing, from the raucous cheering, and entertainment that the audience (about 300 other Tamilians) provided throughout the outing.
The entire event was reminiscent of the chaotic fun that results in the premiere of every Rajinikanth movie in India, and it was a once in a lifetime experience for the three of us.
All of which leads me back to where I am now. Come September 2016, I will have lived in Edmonton for a total of 7 years. Time has certainly flown by! It still feels like yesterday when I was sitting in an old lecture hall, voraciously digesting the lecture notes for a Physics 101 course.Having recently turned 25, I feel an even greater sense of responsibility, and ambition that I intend to carry over to the next phase of my life.
Much of August will focus on editing my thesis, and making the necessary preparations for my defense. I’m hoping that everything will go according to plan. And now, I shall leave you all with this brief update, as I contemplate the subject of my next blog post. I intend to have it up by this weekend, along with an “info” sheet on the various new additions that will be made to the blog, and its structure. Until then, toodles!
It is a question that everyone asks at some point in their lives, and characterizes an individual’s struggle to define their identity, relative to themselves, and the world. Understanding this allows one to examine, as well as recognize, their own potential, and qualities as an individual. It is also highly influential in one’s decision on who they choose to be, particularly in relation to their social circumstances.
I’d spent the past week wrestling with this concept, that incidentally suffers heavily from the bias of vague, and open-ended statements. It is also an onerous task to maintain a degree of impartiality in discussing the various facets of a concept that is implicitly co-dependent on the individual, and their environment. Thus, for the sake of brevity, and a measure of focus, I will abstain from a generalized mode of approach, and inject a dose of my personal experience, as a third culture kid (TCK), to guide my review of this subject.
What is a TCK?
A third culture kid is a term used to describe children who were raised in a culture, or an environment outside of their parents’ culture for a significant part of their years of development.
Self-identity is a measure of an individual’s growth, and is paralleled by their personal intelligence. Self-knowledge is the understanding of oneself, and one’s motives, or character. Personal intelligence is the exhibition of this self-knowledge, allowing one to correctly evaluate oneself, and others. Possessing personal intelligence also allows individuals to acknowledge their own limitations.
Altogether, it could be said that this triad of elements, and their dynamics in an individual define his/her personality. An analogy can be made to the form of ideas, and their subsequent expression via actions. The question of identity is a sponsoring thought, precursor to the ideas that form the foundation of our self-knowledge, to ultimately result in the growth of our personal intelligence exercised in our ability to adapt to our environment, and our decisions.
In constructing one’s identity, an individual confronts the objective of maintaining a balance between these three elements, while remaining open to an assortment of external influences that pervade one’s environment. This balance exemplifies the ideal “perfection” that every individual may seek as dictated by the boundaries of their life.
Perfection was of paramount importance to this particular individual.
An Identity Crisis
An identity crisis is not so much a crisis as it is a natural consequence of life. One may experience such an issue at any point in their life, and at times, repeatedly.
In my case, the root of the crisis was in the difference of my views, along with the influx of conflicting “agents” that set about the expansion of my world. It was a process that eventually led me to acknowledge my status as a TCK.
These so-called “agents” were the structures about which my life revolved, and a casual listing of a few would include: culture, religion, family, education, and personal experience. My identity crisis originated from a combination of these factors, and had a significant influence in my mental, and physical maturity.
Every individual we meet in life maintains a unique view of the world, none of them being perfect. At times, we aren’t conscious of this world view, and there is an associated vagueness on the rules that we abide by, or prefer to choose, in leading our lives. Problems in self-identity arise as reason pierces this vagueness that clouds our psyche.
My exposure to a clash of cultures, and my daily interactions during my life at Egypt, Sudan, Sierra Leone, and Canada, the differences in religious rituals, and conversations, the changes in family dynamics as well as the choices made in my personal education, and the acceptance of selective experiences allowed for clarity, and a brand new integrated perspective on the rules, and standards that dictated my life.
My struggle primarily concerned communicating my differing views, and perspectives within the conservative habitat of my family. To call for blame was redundant, and the solution followed the simple necessity of an open conversation, but the path to it was fraught with afflictions of self-doubt, and a gradual disintegration of the boundaries that once delegated my life. I often liken it to seeing the two faces of a coin, describing the dual identity I maintained, while in contention with an objective to delineate the appropriate behavioral balance in between.
What is the bigger picture?
The environment contributed vastly to my progress. My childhood was predominantly in India, in a society that constituted a collective form of individuality, where there is a preference for group mentality, particularly surrounding family relationships. As a ten year old, I was not able to critically assess my status in this culture.
The rest of my life was spent traveling from country to country, completing my secondary education in Egypt, followed by my higher-secondary studies in Sudan. While my family would continue in their collective journey to Sierra Leone, I decided to pursue studies at the University of Alberta, in Edmonton, Canada, and where I am now to this day.
In between these transitions, I slowly confronted the persisting doubts, and questions I had of the various cultures, and communities where I had lived. This led to the conflict between the conservative dynamics of my family, and the open attitude I embraced in my life.
I found the inability to openly discuss individual differences within my culture as a major obstacle in communication. Social interactions would rather become a form of control (abusive or non-abusive), followed by an equally weighted concern for internal, and external judgment. Influence seemed a selective process relegated upon the younger population via the codes of conduct (or ritual) held in high esteem by the older fraternity.
On the other hand, the allure of an open approach towards life, fostered an independent attitude, and relationships. There was an inherent favoritism towards the individual, and his/her actions could reflect along the lines of, “You do what is right for you-haters gonna hate.”
Confronted by these differences, I decided to choose the best of both worlds. It is a choice that I still debate, and contend with. My identity crisis entertains a search for balance between the differing values, and ways of life in the two communities. Neither was perfect, and both had their share of deficiencies, and advantages.
How do we make the right decisions?
It is the final destination. An identity crisis ultimately comes to debating the right course of action. In my opinion, there is no one absolute answer.
The choice of identity is a highly selective, and fast-evolving process. At the end of the day, it really is up to the individual to decide on what they wish to believe in, and the path they choose to pursue.
It would be highly favorable if this decision is made with an open mind that not only acknowledges the compromises that may be made, but also the necessity to remove oneself from an environment that may not be suitable in their lives.
This willingness to separate oneself from their immediate world, can be accompanied by a healthy endeavor to integrate the multitude of perspectives, and views that concern their life.
To what end?
My comments on the prior section may provide an air of selfishness about the individual in choosing their well-being over that of others. In my own life, my choice to follow a unique path was falsely viewed as an act of selfishness. This is very common, as we are after all discussing an issue that pits an individual against his/her immediate environment, and peers. Thus, it is natural to have a difference of views, or a parting of ways among the subjects involved.
Identity is an evolving concept. It is a lifelong transition, and depending on the individual, it may or may not find a resolution. I’m still very much in the process of constructing my identity, and have found my resolve by focusing on my dreams, and aspirations. Compromises have to be made, and is inherent in our struggles to find a place for ourselves in this world.
But, in the end, what matters the most is that we do so being true to ourselves, and who we wish to be. While doubts, and misgivings may persist, it is up to us to keep pushing forward, even when a resolution may not be evident, in this grand adventure that is life, for isn’t that what it means to be human?
We might not be together every day, and the coming of one adventure, may mean the end of another, but no matter what we do, or where we are, the bonds that we have shared with each, and every person along the way will never break. That’s what it means to live free.
To my readers
This post describes my personal opinions on this complex subject. I invite critical comments, and discussions.
The comfortable silence is apt for inspiration. In my case, it lasted a year. A lot has changed since, so I find it necessary to once again begin by asking the question, “Who am I?”
My name is Ajay Peter Manuel (my pen name is Locke.) I’m a deeply inquisitive individual, with momentous dreams, aspirations, and a great appreciation for life! I currently live at Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, and am on the verge of completing my MSc. degree in Physics (September 2016, to be precise), at the University of Alberta (U of A)
CAN’T WAIT TO FINISH MY DEGREE!!!!
Having left my hometown at Madurai, Tamil Nadu, India, I completed my Elementary, and Middle School education at Cairo, Egypt. A four year stay at Khartoum, Sudan would see to the completion of my High School studies, followed by my journey to the U of A. The culmination of my journey from Sudan to the successful completion of my BSc. degree in Honors Astrophysics was the publication of my autobiography, Our Last Summer: A Personal Memoir, and the commencement of my first blog @ourlastsummer2013.wordpress.com
This was inevitably followed by broken, disconnected posts, and eventually after the eve of my 24th birthday, a year-long silence, during which I consciously acknowledged my identity crisis. I struggled to come to terms with myself, my friends, and my family. It was an experience that taught me the price of freedom, and individuality.
Coming to terms with myself, is possibly the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to confront in my life.
I now find myself embarking upon a new adventure in my life, where I could fulfill my deep-seated, far-fetched, and momentous aspirations, and dreams. Broadly speaking, I’m looking at an individual who has integrated his various passions in education, innovation, writing, art, music, science, critical thinking, accompanied with an endless appetite for life. It’s a lot to handle for sure, but I’m excited for the adventures that may lie ahead, and the challenges to be met.
Of course, there is much more to what has already been said, and this is where The Pensive Reverie takes the stage. The title pays homage to my most beloved of all hobbies: sitting down, staring off into space, and thinking about a plethora of things (and at times, absolutely nothing.)
Thinking hard…in Gai’s case, “Should I challenge Kakashi to another hot contest of youth!!!”
This blog will be an infusion of my personal life, hobbies, and interests. I’m an avid reader, and thinker. As such, the content of the blog may vary between discussions on book reviews, philosophy, science, and just about everything that is fun, and interesting in life. On a weekly basis, I will be posting an extensive review or discussion about a topic that serves to pique my interest. On a daily basis, the blog will be a haven for snap discussions, inspirational quotes, daily news, and the advertisement of my literary works, and activities.
I intend to keep the blog, and my posts open to all for discussion. I invite rational criticism from my fellow bloggers, and readers. This blog will also be linked to my social media platforms on Facebook, and Twitter etc. Currently, much of this is under construction, but the transformation will be soon complete.
I look forward to interacting with you all, and in the coming days, complete the transformation to The Pensive Reverie.
The Pensive Reverie 