Life is strange. One moment, we find ourselves surrounded by family and friends. These are people who we believe have our best interests at heart, provide valuable counsel on our beliefs and convictions, and accept us for who we are and who we wish to be. But, now and then, life presents a situation where those very people seem like strangers. In their place, someone else comes along. Someone we have never met before. Someone who, with no immediate cause or reason, and by the simple honesty of their actions, becomes family.
This is the reality that hits Yaichi, a work-at-home suburban dad in contemporary Tokyo. Formerly married to Natsuki and father to their young daughter Kana, Yaichi’s life takes a turn when a hulking Canadian named Mike Flanagan arrives at their doorstep. But Mike is no ordinary person. He is the widower of Yaichi’s estranged gay twin, Ryoji. What follows is a melancholic and beautiful story, authored by the critically acclaimed Gengoroh Tagame, that sheds light on the highly closeted Japanese gay culture and how the next generation can positively influence its future.
Confronting Differences
For Yaichi, Mike’s arrival is akin to opening Pandora’s box. Hidden within its depths aren’t sickness, death, and misfortune, but Yaichi’s own inhibitions, fears, regrets, remorse, and apathy. As the story unfolds, Yaichi wrestles with these emotions in extended inner monologues, amid moments that highlight the disruptive influence of Mike’s presence.
These monologues are brutally straightforward and describe the void that separates Mike’s world from Yaichi’s and vice versa. Their relationship, in its infancy, involves a fair share of prejudices and veiled preconceptions that Yaichi holds about Mike’s identity as a gay man. Yaichi feigns ignorance as a coping mechanism. While he is aware of his personal inhibitions, Yaichi takes the easy way out, rather than coming to terms with his feelings. Mike’s arrival forces Yaichi to face his inner demons.
It is a rocky start. Both men are seemingly lost on how to proceed with their relationship as in-laws. On one side, we have Yaichi wrestling with his twin’s past. On the other hand, we have Mike, who wishes to complete his family. It is like an awkward tea party, until Kana comes along.
Our Children Are a Reflection of Us
“Daddy has a brother?! Men can marry each other?! Is that even allowed?!”
“Well, it’s like…In Japan, it’s not allowed, but I guess it’s possible in other parts of the world.”“Huh? That’s weird. It’s weird that it’s ok over there, but not here.”
Growing up, we are taught about the systematic rules that govern our day to day lives. Somewhere along the way, we lose our ability to question and engage, as well as our capacity to change the world dynamically. Early childhood remains an exception. Filters are meaningless to children. They don’t see the world the way we do as adults. It is their greatest strength, and it is what makes them so damn endearing. It is also for this very reason that we adults have to keep ourselves in check. Our behavior, worldview, and the answers we provide to their questions are crucial. It is not an easy task, and in many cases, it is through our eyes that our children’s worlds often lose their colors.
Yaichi is cautious in his approach to raising Kana. Mike’s appearance throws a wrench in what is a mistakenly ignorant lifestyle. Unlike her father, Kana has no inhibitions and becomes immediately attached to her Canadian uncle. Her curiosity and willingness to ask complex questions often catch both men off guard. At the same time, Kana’s innocence guides the two men to have the conversations they need. Gradually, Yaichi begins to change, and as he does, he begins to recognize the weight of his responsibility as a father. He understands the burden he has inadvertently placed upon his daughter. Kana never needed protection from Mike. Rather, he had been protecting himself from coming to terms with his past.
Chasing Shadows
There is one more thing children are great at, and that is calling out adults for their double standards. Especially true when it is about making excuses for ourselves. Kana does the same to Yaichi, setting the stage for the latter to accept his shortcomings as a brother and a father. This ultimately enables Yaichi to seek redemption.
With Mike for company, he relives the childhood memories of his brother; memories buried deep in his heart. The resulting journey is one of fulfillment for both men and something that brings the whole family together. Yaichi’s redemption operates on multiple levels, illustrating how every individual is a product of various threads of influence, including family, cultural stereotypes, religious beliefs, and traditions. On the other hand, helping Yaichi through this process also ensures that Mike fulfills his husband’s wish for the latter to meet his family. From being reluctant about Mike’s presence in their lives, by the conclusion of the story, Yaichi feels encouraged by his company. Finding happiness in their differences, he openly states that Mike is a part of his family.
That pieces together the final message of the story. In this world, our lives are a transient phenomenon. There are very few who we get to meet, know, live with, and who live for us. In the short time that we have together, rather than dividing ourselves over our differences, let’s live with acceptance.
Gengoroh Tagame
The author of dozens of graphic novels, Gengoroh Tagame’s past works have primarily catered to the adult gay manga audience. My Brother’s Husband is his first all-ages title and an Eisner award-winning title at that. In a dramatic change from the graphic depictions of hypermasculinity, sadomasochism, and sexual violence common to his works, Tagame relies on various cultural motifs to elevate and distinguish the polarizing and heartbreaking nature of life in a highly closeted Japanese gay culture. My personal favorite in My Brother’s Husband involves varying cultural interpretations of otherwise structured sushi dishes to relate to Yaichi’s changing perception of Mike.
My Brother’s Husband is a heart-warming story describing how familial connections can originate from surprising corners of the world. The world is not as big as it used to be. Social media has contributed to this, and we are all caught up in its rapid frenzy, some of which is not entirely positive. My Brother’s Husband switches up the pace. It is heartbreaking, yet hopeful. It is painful, yet healing. It asks us to slow down and look around. It asks us to not throw our judgments upon others so haphazardly. It asks us to be willing to have a conversation. All this and more, in a beautifully rendered story that emphasizes the importance of compassion.
The Pensive Reverie 